Starting Fresh for a Blended Family

Starting a new family is can be both refreshing and difficult. But imagine starting a blended family wherein you combine two sets of non-blood related families living under one roof… sounds like a formula for chaotic children right? Not if you plan well and be very diplomatic about it.

Losing balance of blended families is not surprising especially when noncustodial children drop them a visit. Moms and dads become surprisingly Super Step Moms and Disney Dads trying their very best to look good and please the children every minute of every day. This may give short term gratification for both of you and the children but we all know that giving children everything will only create problems later on.

House rules should be applied to all children: whether they are just visiting or living with you full time. Treat them equally and play no favourites. Visiting children should be given one on one time with their parent but not too long to isolate each family. Don’t forget to involve all kids equally in family activities. Don’t make them feel like a visitor! They are all members of a blended family unit.

Moreover, don’t forget to plan quality time with your spouse. Time outs with your spouse are the best way to make your marriage strong and resilient. Plan dates ahead for at least twice a month. Having a moment alone with your better half will keep your marriage alive.

Lastly, don’t forget a time for yourself. Even simply taking a long bubble bath or reading a favourite novel can do the trick. The goal is to not forget how to relax and enjoy yourself. Discover what time of the day you can fit your “Me Time”. Learning how to relax is vital in enjoying your family life.

Having a hard time? Then you might need help.

Kids and Divorce, Helping Them Get Through Changes

Divorce is never pretty no matter who you are, whether you’re a regular Jane and Joe or Arnold and Maria. 

Divorce is never easy for everyone involved in it.

In helping children get through the divorce you must make sure that it is really over to avoid confusion. If it is really over give them a clear view of what divorce would be like. Stop confusing them by keeping wedding photos in the living room, remove all of the ex-spouse’s things (only the non-custodial), remove photos of you and your spouse being together (don’t destroy them, just keep them out of sight). Make a clear message that there is a separation between you and your ex-spouse.

Furthermore, talk with your children gently but still with a clear message that Mom and Dad will no longer be married and will no longer live together but loving the children will never change. Divorce details should not be part of the conversation since they’re still children. Explain that although there will be changes between you and your ex-spouse, there will be no changes in the relationship between the children and the parents.

Try to bring in a counsellor for your kids to talk about your divorce openly and encourage them to talk with their friends who have divorced parents. 

Don’t forget to consult a counsellor yourself to assess through the divorce and help you forgive yourself. A support from the outside of your family will be of great help in getting you and your children through this painful transition.

Overall, be patient, kind, but still be a parent to your children; house rules should not change. Understand and spend time with your kids as much as you can. Let them feel and know that even though you and your ex-spouse are divorced you are still available as a parent to your children.

If you need help more than this article click this.

Welcome to our new blended and step family blog!

We are excited to have another way to educate, empower and inspire blended and step families. We hope you will visit this blog often.

For more information, also check out The Blended and Step Family Resource Center, and another similar blog, Blended Family Advice.