Beat winter blues and enjoy blended family bonding time!

When the weather is cold, sometimes you’re stuck in the house with nothing to do. Wait a minute. Don’t you have some work to do on blending your stepfamily? Winter is the perfect time for blended families to get to know each other better by doing things together. So, when old man winter blows into your area, get out the board games, plan some projects and get down to some blended family bonding!

Plan a few family projects

It’s time to clean out the attic, garage or guest bedroom, and jump-start spring-cleaning with blended family bonding. Assign stepfamily members different tasks, but make sure they are still working as a team. You can even take the opportunity to get their bedrooms cleaned out.  Give one child a garbage bag for donations to charity, and a second child a garbage bag for trash.  After the room is picked up, assign the same team to dust and vacuum the room. When one project is completed stepparents and stepkids can celebrate together by having a special meal, or going out to eat a special treat.

Provide fun opportunities for stepsiblings to connect

Have available board games, the Wii, PSIII or XBox stocked with games, or even a set of checkers or puzzle left out on the table, and you are on way to blended family bonding.  As much as teenagers love technology, a checkers tournament can also be a blast. As long as the mood is kept light, stepsiblings may try to figure out one another’s strategies or maybe even team up together to figure out a winning stepparent’s or bio parent’s strategies, so one of them can win!

Leaving out a challenging winter puzzle for several weeks offers a chance for stepparents or stepsiblings to help one another solve the puzzle. Hardly anyone can walk past a puzzle without trying out a few pieces. Take advantage of those moments when stepchildren are pondering over pieces to join them, working with them to achieve success.

When the kids are busy doing things, whether fun or work, they are getting to know each other, and bonding as a family.  It sometimes happens naturally, but as a parent in a stepfamily, providing multiple opportunities to connect will make blended family bonding easier and happen faster.

Begin planning for summer trips

I know it’s the middle of winter, but it’s time to start introducing the idea of traveling together as a blended family, and this is another opportunity for important blended family bonding.  Bring home brochures from travel agencies, and guidebooks from the library.  Find out what locations your biological kids and stepkids are interested in visiting.  Start talking about types of trips:  do you have an active family that would enjoy backpacking and hiking for a week?  Or, is your blended family the type that would love an all-inclusive resort, with comfortable beds and air conditioning?  There are also economical cruises that offer nonstop activities for your blended family.

Remember, the adults make the final decisions, but it’s great to get input from your blended family members to reinforce your unique bond and make your time together an opportunity for blended family bonding.  Stepsiblings will discover that they have more in common with each other, as they voice their likes and dislikes for various types of trips.  Once you have an idea of what interests them (and what doesn’t interest them) it’s time to do research and figure out what works for your families schedule and budget. 

Remember, spending more money doesn’t mean you’ll have a more wonderful time, or even that you love your children more. Children value the time you spend with them, not the money.  You goal is to create memories for them, memories of time spent with parents who love them and stepsiblings who are now a part of their blended family. Blended family bonding is easy when parents and stepparents remember that part of becoming a family is to have a little fun on the way!

The Blended and Step Family Resource Center has many resources to help blended and step families work and succeed. The book, Blended Family Advice, written by the center’s founder and director, Shirley Cress Dudley, is a very useful tool for helping blended families find their way to becoming strong social units for growth and development.

Avoid fussing and get down to fun with blended family holiday management tips!

Blended family holiday management is essential well before the holidays arrive in order to set up clear expectations and avoid frustration with what should be special family time. Talking with ex-spouses and extended family about the details of each holiday event, including who the children are spending time with and whether or not to exchange gifts, is essential planning that will avoid hurt feelings and unexpected surprises. These blended family holiday management tips will help make these holidays memorable and peaceful for every family member.

Who goes where over holidays should be worked out in advance for blended family

Blended family holiday management requires sharing of children’s holiday time with ex-spouses. Get together with your ex-spouse and discuss the children’s schedule from now until January 3, and then make sure there are no changes to the plans unless there is an emergency. Working out a holiday schedule that exchanges the children on special holidays every year will help ensure that each spouse spends this special time with the children, and avoids hurt feelings. For example, one year mom will get the children at Thanksgiving, and the next year dad gets them. Make sure you reinforce to children how lucky they are to have a mom and dad and stepparents who love them very much, and then sit down with them and show them the calendar schedule. Make sure to talk to the kids about how they will get to their holiday location, whether on plane, train, car, etc. Blended family holiday management done positively, with expressions of happiness at the time your children will get to spend with extended family at mom’s house or dad’s house, will ease any fears or anxiety children have about splitting time between mom and dad.

Remember to manage extended family expectations at holiday time

Blended family holiday management does not restrict itself to immediate family members; extended family members should also know what you expect. Remind bio-relatives that you would like all children, stepkids and bio kids, treated fairly. Grandma can purchase smaller gifts, but she must remember that all the children should be treated the same. If relatives are uncooperative, then there are two options to consider. The first option is to tell them that you will not exchange gifts this year because they are unwilling to be fair. The second choice, and it is not my favorite, is to plan a separate celebration of bio relatives at another time, when stepkids are not home, and exchange gifts with bio-relatives. The second choice is not a personal preference because it allows bio-relatives to avoid the new stepfamily. If there is no cooperation, though, this may be the only way to avoid a battle and keep the family peace. Ask your kids to not discuss the gift exchange with step-siblings when they return, as it may hurt their feelings. Blended family holiday management is sometimes tricky when bio-relatives are difficult, but advance preparation can avoid uncomfortable surprises.

Break with holiday tradition and make new traditions with your blended family!

Blended family holiday management may mean breaking with tradition and celebrating Thanksgiving on a Saturday or Christmas on December 26.That is okay! Dates are just days of the week, they can be moved to accommodate schedules, and besides, the most important thing to your child is time with both mom and dad. The same can be said for holiday meals. Eating turkey twice in one day is not anyone’s idea of a good time, so why not serve appetizers and mini-desserts when the children return from Thanksgiving at your ex-spouse’s house? Plan a seafood buffet or pasta meal for Christmas instead of ham. Breaking with holiday traditions as a part of blended family holiday management means stepfamilies can begin their own traditions, form new bonds, and make new memories!

Blended family holiday management should begin now, before the holidays arrive and there is no time to negotiate schedules and prepare children. Sharing children’s holiday time with an ex-spouse does not have to be stressful if you agree to share time equally, exchanging holidays every year and arranging events well in advance. Breaking with holiday traditions and scheduling holiday events on different days then they fall on is fine! What is important to children is that they know they will see both mom and dad during this special time. Blended family holiday management is the smart way to avoid holiday upset.

The Blended and Step Family Resource Center was established to assist blended families with its counseling and coaching services, as well as other resources aimed at promoting strong and successful blended and stepfamilies. Get in touch with a licensed professional counselor today and let us help to provide you with answers.