Stepkids can help healing process with comforting words and gestures at stepparent death

When a stepparent dies it is sometimes difficult for stepkids to know how to react, or what role to take in the mourning process. When stepkids have moved out of the house and started their own families it can be even more complicated. Blended family members who see each other only at holidays or special events will face different expectations from the stepfamily, than those who are bonded and share a close relationship.

Step-siblings appreciate comforting words and gestures at stepparent death

Whether or not a stepchild attends a stepparent’s funeral depends upon the level of blending in the stepfamily. If there are strained relations between step-siblings or if the adult stepkid has not spent a lot of time participating in family events, then it is perfectly acceptable to make a phone call to the family and share your condolences, send flowers and follow-up with a heartfelt card. However, if the family is close and the adult stepkid is able and welcome to attend, then by all means be there for the blended family. Letting step-siblings know that your heart is with them at their time of loss, whether you attend the funeral or not, is always a comforting gesture.

Funerals a time for honesty and open hearts

Sometimes, conflicts arise and even the closest of family members are unable to attend a loved one’s funeral. If a stepfamily has a close relationship and stepkids wish to honor their stepparent by attending the funeral, then that is wonderful! If, on the other hand, stepkids are not close to the blended family or there is animosity between step-siblings, then it may be best to not attend the funeral as it can only add to anxiety. If you are an adult stepkid who is part of a well-blended family, but a scheduling conflict with work or military service, or illness prevents you from attending, don’t be too hard on yourself. Conflicts happen, and people will understand. Make sure to phone step-siblings well in advance to let them know you are unable to attend, but mention that your heart is with them at this difficult time, then follow-up with a card or flowers. Opening our hearts when a stepparent dies can heal animosities and mend old grudges, and bring much-needed comfort during this sad and stressful time.

Stepparent death is as difficult to deal with as any other loss, sometimes even more so, but it need not create more stress than necessary. If adult stepkids don’t see the blended family more than a few times a year at holidays or special get-togethers, then it probably is okay to not attend the funeral. However, you should phone step-siblings and follow-up with a card or flowers for the funeral, or even make a donation to the stepparent’s favorite charity. Reaching out beyond the physical and emotional distance in a blended family, while keeping in mind that funerals are as much for the living as it is about those who have passed, will help you know which choice to make in the event of stepparent death.

For additional information about issues with your blended and step family, The Blended and Step Family Resource Center is willing to share advice and useful tips to help you deal with various situations relating to your blended family.

Stepmothers can go from wicked to wonderful following simple steps from the Blended and Step Family Resource Center

Stepmothers face a challenging new role when marrying a man with kids. Marriage or remarriage in a blended family presents complications for stepmoms, particularly when it comes to avoiding the wicked stepmother label. Stepmothers who are open to taking positive steps can make the difference between being called wicked or wonderful.

How do you know if you are a wicked stepmother?

Stepmothers do not usually come into the job with a set of rules or guidelines regarding how to parent step kids. Often, innocent mistakes are made by stepmoms in an attempt to gain some sort of footing within the family. Here are some clues from the BFA that may be earning you the title of wicked stepmother: If you ask your husband to choose between you or his kids; you don’t know much about your step kids; you don’t celebrate step kids’ birthdays or other special events; you interrupt your husband when he is on the phone with his kids; you treat your kids better than his kids; you leave his kids to fend for themselves when they visit; you have different house rules for his kids and your own kids; you don’t let your step kids invite friends over; you ask your husband to take you out to dinner on his child’s birthday, and celebrate with his kid another day. Stepmothers should pay special attention to these clues and decide if they need to make some changes.

Stepmothers face difficult challenges with long-term rewards

Stepmothers have one of the hardest jobs in the world. According to The Blended and Step Family Resource Center, marrying a man with kids means you commit to love and care for them as your own. Stepmothers who make that commitment also should understand they may not be appreciated by their step kids for awhile, or ever, but it should not diminish how important the success of the blended family remains.

Competition best kept on field and out of home

Stepmothers sometimes feel as if they are in competition with step kids, but there could be nothing further from the truth. In reality, the love between two adults is much different than their love for kids, and there is plenty of love for everyone in a blended family. Creating and sticking with house rules will set the tone for a stable home. Stepmoms who work with their spouse as a team to surround the kids in a remarriage with love and security, will create a peaceful, positive environment for their stepfamily.

Step kids need to feel part of new family

Stepmothers who take a sincere interest in their step kids’ lives will find themselves building a positive relationship with all parties. Stepfamilies are like any other families, forging bonds by celebrating birthdays and special events together to build a unique blended family life. When stepmothers recognize their step kids’ special events, they reap the rewards of a more stable and positive home life.

Privacy means a lot in blended family

Stepmothers who offer step kids privacy while visiting can help kids feel at home in a blended family. Though a private bedroom is ideal, BFA recommends that stepmoms offer kids a secure place to keep things and a space to hang out. Just like in any other family, kids need time alone with individual parents to build deeper and more meaningful relationships. Sensitive stepmothers understand that step kids need individual time with fathers while visiting, and can take that time to bond with their own children or enjoy some time for themselves.

Stepmothers can avoid being labeled wicked by taking a few simple steps to build positive relationships with step kids. Getting to know step kids by taking an interest in hobbies and activities goes a long way toward forging connections in a blended family. Stepmoms should never feel in competition with step kids. Everyone needs privacy, especially in a blended family. Stepmothers should respect and encourage individual time between step kids and their fathers. Stepmothers needing more information on how to lose the wicked stepmother label can find more information at The Blended and Step Family Resource center at http://www.TheBlendedandStepFamilyResourceCenter.com.