Surviving the first three months in your blended or step family

The beginning of a blended family does not have to spell disaster. You can survive the first 90 days and come out better than ever. Every new family will have issues, but every blended family also has the power to work through those issues. Becoming a successful blended family may include going through a specific process. It does not matter if you have been a family for one week or 92 weeks, you must progress into a blended family to make it successful for everyone involved.

Spread the love
You would think that a remarriage automatically involves everyone singing Kumbaya at the end of the day. However, in reality you all know that is not true. In a remarriage or blended family, there is no less love than there is in a biological family. There is plenty of opportunity for love in a blended family, but you all have to make it happen. Over time, your blended family will grow and begin making memories together.

Odd feelings are normal
Entering into a step sibling and step parent situation means that there will be some odd feelings involved. Although you are madly in love with your new partner, your children will still need some time to adjust. It may be all sorts of confusing for your children because they are not sure where to put your new spouse. The best advice is to give your children some space, let them have their odd feelings and let everything work out on its own.  In other words, do not force something to happen; instead, let it happen naturally.

Keep out the competitions
There is nothing worse than a child feeling like they have to compete for attention. Do not allow any competitions to occur in your home. Everyone has a place in the new blended family, but that does not mean anyone should be treated differently. Remind your children that the new step parent is not replacing the biological parent. Take the time to get to know each other on a personal level and watch how that competitive feeling slowly goes away.

Stay true to the discipline
One of the biggest issues happening in remarriage is that discipline goes out the window. This should not happen. Always present yourselves as a united front whenever your children challenge your authority. Establish house rules and be consistent with them. Children know when and how to push your buttons and they will do so. Even if you and your spouse disagree on something, you should do it in private and away from the kids.  Your children need to be in structured environment.

For more information, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for guidance on managing your blended or step family.