5 Golden Rules for Grandparents in a Blended Family

You and your new spouse have had some time getting to know each other and have now decided to blend your gamilies. Even though you are already adults, hopefully you still introduce your new love to your parent/s before the wedding. And after the wedding is over, it is now time to help your Mom and Dad with some tips on how to respond to your newly blended family.

Talk to your Mom or Dad about these things.

Tip 1- Treat each grandkid EQUALLY and FAIRLY

Being the grandparent of a much larger family may be new to you. But you need to remember that your grandkids will always look up to you, both your biological and step grandkids. For your new step grandkids, it is best that you treat them similarly to how you treat your real grandkids. Remember, they are waiting and watching to see if you will be fair to all. If your biological grandkids call you "grandmother or grandfather", then also inviste your new step grandkids to call you "grandmother or grandfather". If you hug your grandchildren when you see them, hug your step grandchildren too.

Dispense with the "biological" and "step" labels as soon as you can. Keeping these lables in your head may cause you to treat all your grandchildren unequally.

Tip 2- Express interest in each child

Make time to learn about your new step grandchildren: their activities, friends, or hobbies. Figure out what makes each child unique. These endeavors will help you feel more comfortable around them and will also help you get to know them better.

Tip 3- Remember special days

Acknowledge birthdays, school events, or any other special activities of your new step grandkids. At the beginning of each year, mark all special events on the calendar. You can even purchase birthday cards or gifts cards for all your grandkids at the same time. That way, you are fair to all and will not forget anyone.

Aside from that, don't forget your new daughter or son in-law too. Greeting them with a card on their birthday will help show your support for the marriage. Share information about your family history or family recipes, in that way, you are helping your new daughter or son in-law feel that he/she is a part of your family.

Tip 4- Do not reminisce about the PAST

Your adult child has divorced and moved on to a new marriage. Recalling the good times in their old marriage is not going to help blending the new marriage. Take the old wedding photos off the wall and put them away in a special album. It is OK to keep the photos, but do not display them on the wall for everyone to see when they visit you.


Tip 5- LISTEN

When your adult child calls and wants to talk to you about their frustrating moments in their blended family, the best you can do is to LISTEN, but don't judge or say anything negative that you might regret later. It is very difficult to blend a family and requires a lot of patience. Support your son or daughter as they try their best to be a good parent and spouse in this new blended family.

In conclusion,

Remember, it's your job to love all your grandkids and support your adult child and his/her spouse in their new blended family. It might be a little new and unfamiliar at first, but it will be well worth your efforts. You will ultimately have the rewards of a bigger family that will love you back.

If you want to know more, check out the Blended Family Advice.