Friday, August 31, 2012

Step Mother and Father are either superheroes or Villains in Blended Family

You are constantly being judged by the step kids of your spouse, by the relatives and friends who knew the ex-spouse if you’re a step parent in the blended family. The main reason is the main category of which you fall based from the scrutiny, the evil step mother and all that implies from it.

Ignore what you cannot change

Bear in mind if relatives and former friends of ex-spouse insist on finding you unsuitable from all you can execute in order to keep on being who you are and hope they will come around sooner or later. Face it that you are not oblige to endorse as a good step mother or father since you just simply take comfort in the strong relationship that you and your spouse have come together.

Blended family relationships that matters
Happily, young children tend to be flexible regarding whom they love and why, but adolescents are apt to be prickly at best and can be downright hateful at their worst. As a step parent, after those with your spouse and biological children, the relationships that matter are the ones you establish with your step kids. Several step children are just not expecting to like you or your presence in their lives very much, so your work is cut out for you.

If you want to know more of the details and looking for information about blended family, you can do so by heading to The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Blended Family’s Differences may become Conflict

You might have given up expecting your new blended family to be same as your previous one. There are lots of differences between the two families. Generally speaking, a new couple sets off on a new life together in nuclear family with supports of friends and love ones.

When a child is born, the couples learn to care for, love and appreciate the child. They also start to redefine each other, moving from partners and lovers to co-parents accepting these relationship changes as they come along simply in a part of the way family life is and ought to be. Also, having children makes the relationship much deeper.

Look at your blended family as unique
The new blended couples make it hard to establish a home together due to the nuclear family. By the time that the new blended family couples establishes a home together, and then have been through many loss, legal battles and heartbreak. Therefore, they are being provoked by experiences in the past. They also suffer usually from recrimination from love ones and friends. So having a blended family is something unique and differs from one couple to another.

Should you be experiencing the same as what have been mentioned here, you can contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center or you can visit them to find out more about having and keeping your blended family efficiently. You can also check the other offers they provide for blended family or step kids related concerns.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Not So Fun Rides and Emotional Rollercoasters with Blended Family

Sometimes you wonder what you did to deserve such disrespect and anger from your step kids. Maybe nothing if you think about it. The truth is that child found it hard to cope with blended family where many kids are facing difficulties to face this kind of situation in their life. They can’t understand sometimes the feeling of being overwhelmed, insecure or unstable and can’t express their feelings verbally in an efficient way. Therefore, the step parent in a blended family can be the easy target of this kind of situation and also aids to remember not to make any personal attacks.

Reacting to angry and disrespectful words

It is considered to be challenging for step parents facing this kind of situation but with proper listening, heart and eyes to the angry words being thrown to them, they can get used to the crux of their anger. Looking for deeper reason is a skill worth developing and if failure happens to the approach, then try another.

Outside counseling

It is appropriate for any type of abuse such as verbal to not be tolerated. Counseling can help in this kind of situation where step kids attacks step parents or throw hurtful words to the step siblings. Counseling is the appropriate way to overcome such situation that involves physical aggression or other types of violence. So every member of the blended family deserves to live in a household where in safety can be found. You can visit The Blended and Step Resource Center to obtain the best advice for your blended family needs

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Setting Boundaries with Blended Family is needed for Ex-spouses

Setting boundaries to protect the autonomy of the remarriage is essential while extending the blended family into a working relationship with an ex-spouse. There are some instances where ex-spouse steps across the lines of divorce or remarriage. Whether the reason is to increase the old ties or having hard time redefining a post-divorce relationship, it can be considered as an intrusion to the new blended family life of the person. Therefore, you need to know what you can do, what should you do and how you can determine the okay and not okay situations.

What is appropriate contact between ex-spouses?
It is always appropriate to have a communication for kids when it comes to the partner and his or her ex-spouse if they have children together. Co-parenting takes cooperative collaboration and communications in order to make parents effective is crucial. There are some instances that ex-spouses have business together or share other properties. Whatever the reason it may be, accepting and supporting the necessary communication is essential for your blended family partner. If there is no reason for remaining ties, then having a continued contact is not necessary for the ex-spouses.

Having text, call or emails daily with the ex-spouse can be defined as not having the essence of divorce since it will lead to not able to letting go of the relationship. If you want to know more of the details about blended family, then you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center to get the best advice.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Review, reassess and revise blended family management plan

Stop, look and listen in your stepfamily
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Take time to notice how well your step kids and you are getting along, and how well you know and appreciate each other. Listen. Is there laughter in your step family household? Do you hear conversation that indicates considerate and caring personal interest in other family members? Is there spontaneous group activity or discussion? Is your relationship with your bio kids thriving? Do you spend enough one-on-one time with them?

Blended family meetings
Blended family meetings are a great way to review events of the summer, recognize milestones and celebrate accomplishments. They are also an excellent opportunity to perform a review of the rules of the household and have discussions about how they might be improved. As blended family members grow and develop new interests and obligations, so do needs and expectations.

What is negotiable in a blended family?
Like many issues in our lives, some blended family issues are fixed and not open to discussion; such as your blended family requirement that everyone be treated with consideration and respect. Other issues that remain constant might refer to the parental management partnership which runs each blended family household; step kids are always expected to respond to the advice or reprimands of a step parent in the same way they would respond to their own bio parent. Some values are non-negotiable.

If you need any additional assistance, check out the resources at The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Looking at summer’s end with your blended family

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Before you get entirely focused on returning to a school year schedule for your blended family, take some time to look back on how well the summer visitations went, the growing relationships between step siblings, your progress as a step parent in bonding with your step kids, and on the overall strength of your blended family unit.

Celebrate summer holiday
Let your visiting step kids know that their visit was valued and important to the blended family. If you made videos or took photos of their time with you, schedule a video or photo show of your summer vacation fun. 

Be grateful
Let your kids, both bio kids and step kids, know that your time together was valuable to you personally, to their step siblings, and to the entire blended family unit, and that you enjoyed being with them over the summer.

Get organized
Getting ready for the upcoming school year means shopping trips for clothes and school supplies and preparing visitation schedules. Having one master schedule showing school vacations, visitations, blended family birthdays and other special dates, and social or sporting events for the kids is very helpful in avoiding potential conflicts. 

Where is my book bag?
Your own relationship with the other parent of your children is an important indicator of how well your kids will manage their shift between houses under a visitation schedule. Helping kids and step kids keep track of their things as they travel back and forth between parental homes is easier if you and the other parents maintain a cooperative and collaborative relationship.

Looking forward
Summer vacation behind you at last, take a look at how well you and your spouse did over the summer in the management of your step family, and in the management of your own relationship. Remember, the strength and stability of your relationship is vital to the success of your blended family unit. Why not plan a special night out, just the two of you, to celebrate? Visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for more information.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Dealing with the other parent of your step kids

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What do you do if the other parent of your step kids resists your best efforts to get along? Like it or not, if your spouse has children with another partner, you and the ex-spouse are linked.  While it may not always work smoothly, or even pleasantly, your step kids will always connect you and the ex-spouse in-law. A positive and cooperative relationship will benefit your step kids and your entire blended family. So, what do you do if your attempts are rejected? Keep trying!

Relationship goals to avoid
 Do you envision yourself as counselor or mediator between your partner and their ex-spouse, or between your step kids and their other parent? Please forget about helping any of them work through their issues. Immediately. No matter what you do or say, the more you try to help, the more you risk overstepping your bounds. As limiting as it sounds, communication between you and the other parent of your step kids should focus on logistics like scheduling visitation and parent-teacher appointments. Please do make an effort to make all interchanges cordial and cooperative, because that is what is in the best interests of your blended family, but beyond that, keep the relationship strictly focused on the step kids.

Rules of engagement
If talking on the telephone with your spouse’s ex (or even with your own ex-spouse) often escalates into a shouting match, develop the art of controlled exchange. If necessary, keep a note to yourself next to the phone to help keep things under control. The note might contain hints such as:
  1. Smile
  2. Use conversational voice
  3. Listen
  4. Stay on subject, use control phrases
  5. Stay cool
  6. Stay within boundaries
  7. Repeat resolution reached or arrangements made
  8. Polite good bye

You might try the following control phrases if things escalate: I am sorry you are upset. Let’s get back to the kids. I understand what you are saying. If tempers flare and they begin to shout, say something to the effect that the conversation has stopped being useful and you will have to hang up if they do not stop shouting. 

Mutual respect
Just as members of your blended family treat each other in a respectful manner, you are obligated to treat the other parent of your step kids respectfully, as well. And while you have absolutely no control over how they treat you, you do have control over your own behavior. 

As always, when parents and step parents communicate about their children, it is important to lay aside personal issues and focus on the best interests of the blended family children. As well, it is also important for you and your spouse to stay focused on each other and your own relationship, which is at the center of your blended family unit. For more information, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Fabled wicked step mothers seek to control blended family

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After their parents divorce and dad enters into anew marriage with a stranger, many kids quickly associate their new step mother with the fairy tale version. How easy is it for a stepmother to stumble into the role of wicked step mother?

Rough beginnings for step mothers
Going through a divorce with their parents can leave many children feeling like victims in an adult world which ignores their wants and needs, and sometimes treats them like contested property

Are you a wicked step mother?
  • You demand that your husband choose you over his kids. They have to learn they no longer are his first priority and are not running the show anymore.
  • You take no interest in the lives or interests of your step kids. They are not your problem, and have nothing to do with you. Birthdays? You are not their mother.
  • When the step kids come to your house, you let them know they are only there as visitors, unlike your own children who live with you full time.
  • You are too busy to attend games, plays, or award ceremonies your step kids are involved in. Their own mother should take care of that.
  • You do not bother to provide a permanent place in your home for your step kids to sleep. They are only visiting, and they know how to make up the couch by themselves.
  • You ask your step kids prying questions about their mother so you can point out how much better you are in comparison. You say negative things about their mother.
  • You use phrases like, “When you are in my house…”
  • You expect your step kids to be grateful for all that you do for them. 

As a step parent, you are in a position to make the blended family experiencehappy and loving, one that adds value to their lives. Often, later in life, step kids finally look back at their step parents with love and gratitude. For many step mothers, the wait is worth it. For more information, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Being a step parent is like being on a roller coaster

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Being a step parent feels a little like that sometimes. That is not to say that being in a blended family is like a day at the amusement park, but most step moms and step dads can identify with the comparison.

Step parents need not seek approval
You feel like you finally have a handle on what makes your step kids tick. You have figured out what makes them mad, what makes them laugh, and now and then you catch a glimpse of what makes them happy. Then one day one of your step kids looks at you as if you are totally stupid, or at the very least, woefully inadequate.

Step parents rule!
Whether your step kids like it or not, you are married to their parent, and are not there on approval. While it is your obligation and your joy to always be caring and considerate, and to model that behavior for everyone in your blended family, it is important that there be no misunderstanding about who is in charge. Step kids who try to hold the adults in their life as emotional hostages are usually in pain, and need our understanding and support.

Your blended family is a unit which needs maintenance and repair
As with any growing and changing organization, your blended family needs regular maintenance and upkeep. Routinely review your plan to manage your blended family, and make any necessary revisions or establish needed re-training programs to make sure everyone is still working toward a common goal. As a caring and supportive blended family, the needs and rights of all your members must be nurtured as well as protected.

The rollercoaster ride that is step parenthood is a long one,thrilling, full of surprises, a little scary and not for the faint of heart, but the kind of experience that makes you feel like you’ve achieved something once you survive it! For more information, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

You are not the boss of me!

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Many step parents hear this refrain, or another version of it, from time to time: You can’t tell me what to do! You are not the boss of me! Yikes. Such indignation! Such bravado! Such significance!

Preparing for blended family step parenthood
You knew that a child is more likely to accept discipline or consequences from his or her own parent than from a step parent, so you discussed who would take the lead in which circumstances, especially when it came to disciplining your own bio kids.

The best laid plans of mice and men….
You agreed that as a couple, you would be the leaders of your blended family, understanding that without your strong, loving and trusting relationship as its foundation, managing a step family in a way that supports shared goals and mutual respect could be very difficult indeed, if not impossible. Your assertion that step kids dislike being corrected or disciplined by a step parent was right on.

I trust you with my kid
A trusting relationship requires that each parent knows their partner is capable of parenting a step child. Your child. If, for some reason, either of you are afraid the other might not measure up to the needs of a child, it is time to talk about it. Dialogue about such pressing matters need to be undertaken in a serious way, with both partners open to the discussion and able to put the focus where it belongs: on the welfare of the child.

Revisit the house rules
The roles of the children, step kids and bio kids alike, are to grow and to learn. Your roles as parents are to lead by loving example, lead by direction, and lead by consistency. If your combined children do not know beyond any doubt that you two are in charge, together, unified, and indivisible, you need to correct the misunderstanding.

How can you respond the next time your step kid hits you with you are not the boss of me?  Say, well, yes I am. And I am happy to be one of the people in charge in your life because I care about you and because I care about this family. For more information, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.