Saturday, December 1, 2012

Getting Blended Family Finances Grip

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When two families join together, it normally seems that everything has a financial implication, starting with where everyone will live all the way through to who will pay for college tuitions of the kids. If you have not already had a serious discussion regarding blended family finances, you ought to, as soon as possible. When you and your new blended family partner contemplate forming a blended family, you can reasonably expect that visitation and extra-curricular activity schedules will dominate many of your conversations and your day to day plans. The challenges do not stop there.

In several blended family situations, this could be a contentious issue. A prenup can go a long way toward reassuring your step kids you will neither squander nor claim their entire inheritance!  Many couples shy away from having a prenup, disliking the negative flavor it gives to their remarriage.  However, not only does it spell out what each of you owns and can expect if you end up single again, a pre-marriage agreement also lets one spouse waive rights to property, such as a family camp or a savings account which the other spouse wants to preserve for his or her biological kids.

There are many things included in a step family and challenges to be faced especially in financial needs. If you don’t know where to start getting these blended family problems of fixed or do not have an idea on the proper way to tackle them, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Making Blended Family Home the Place to be

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It actually takes time to build a blended family since it requires also patience, information, understanding and a good plan. Knowing what you want for your blended family and understanding the challenges and pitfalls inherent the family life in order to achieve the best for your blended family goals.  Establishing positive connections between the step parents and step kids is one of the specific issues that make the blended family challenging.

Make certain you know and show support for the individual talents and interests of each family member. Praise effort as well as accomplishments; encourage creativity; celebrate differences. Work on your marital relationship so that your kids and step kids can learn how loving people deal with one another. Within your blended family, model conflict resolution; speak with considerate and kind words; deal immediately and effectively with disrespectful or abusive behavior, and keep arguments between you and your blended family partner fair and private. Develop a safe haven for children to grow in. People need acceptance, and your blended family home is the best and safest place for your kids to find it. Let your home be a place of unconditional love for everyone in your extended step family. Set aside at least an hour every day to spend with your blended family members. Take special care to set aside one-on-one time with bio kids at least once a week, to be sure your connection does not get lost in the mix.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Reasonable Efforts for Step Moms in Blended Family

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Most challenging jobs that women can have might be becoming a step mom. One of the people who is primarily responsible for managing the home is the blended family mother, which maintaining a loving relationship with her husband besides from looking after the step kids as well as her own biological children. Furthermore, she is also holding down an outside job. Therefore, she is in charge of everyone’s happiness.

Your ex-husband thinks threatened by the presence of your new husband in the life of his kids, and even in your life.  Both your step kids and your bio kids are battling in order to deal with their own feelings of their confusion, loss, and with the new step family dynamic. Becoming step siblings does not come naturally to either set of kids, and anger and resentment may be the only thing they have in mutual. Your in-laws, both present and past, are worried what your remarriage might mean regarding how often they get to see their grandkids, and how welcome they will be in the new step family setting.

There are many things included in the blended family that most step kids are having difficulties of. They normally suffer from their loss greatly and need guidance from their parents. Therefore, the love from your husband and remarriage will help you blended family to succeed and prosper. If you still don’t know where to begin, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for more information.

Help Your Entire Blended Family by Putting Marriage First

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Nothing couldn’t handle together when you and your new love merged two families and understand the challenges that came with blended family. There are lots of eventualities that you want to come to fruition such as seeing your kids become friends as well as the step siblings. Ex-spouses would eventually see their step parents.

The step parents usually having a hard time with the truth that the ex-family is there to stay with its love one.  While they had doubted the presence of children, they really had no idea just how intrusive contact with the ex-spouse would feel. When both partners bring children to the blended family mix, intrusions and the resulting conflicting loyalties are doubled. Cementing a remarriage relationship becomes more difficult when it entails children from a first family. A blended family spouse without biological children must addressed contact, often daily contact, with his or her previous family. Furthermore, daily telephone calls and weekend visits with the kids, or having them live with you, are a continuous reminder of the ongoing commitment, as are usual and sometimes emotional phone calls from the ex-spouse done by your love one.

There are many things involved in a blended family and if you need blended family advice for your new family, you can consider visiting the website of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center. There are lots of things that might be going to your head regarding your step family.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Challenges Comes with Step Parenting in a Blended Family

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Love has something more when you love again since it includes more children to your family as a mix. You are surely interested about building new blended family but having doubt about your role as a step parent if you will be doing great as well as acceptance from the step kids. Although parents have a wonderful role, it also includes ups and downs in the process. Blending two families can be difficult but you can make it as long as you have built a loving and caring relationship with your step kids.

It can be intimidating sometimes when it comes to raising a child that is not biologically from you. Being a step parent, you might as well encounter the feeling of being an outsider. You may come across questioning yourself also about your confidence and competence when it comes to the step parent role. Most of the step kids may consider you as the reason why their parent will not be back together again and also being jealous to the time their parent spent with you. You and your step family will actually wonder if all things will get better with such setup. The ex-spouse of your new partner might as well be worries about your way on treating the children especially when it comes to the influence to their children. So if you want to understand more of the details about step parenting, consider visiting The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for more valuable info.

Blended Family Bonding to Create Atmosphere

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Bonding in a blended or step family
It takes planning, time and effort in order to create a happy blended family life. It takes also an environment that requires support for stimulation and respect to the growth of the family. Being the parent and considered as leader in a blended family group, two united families should always be one to have a happy family.

Kids basically like belonging to a family or team in a family. Therefore, it is important to consider attending sports games activities with your blended family children. This will allow you to show them that you love and support them very well.

You might as well look for fun activities that you whole blended family can enjoy such as joining or volunteering at a food kitchen event or cycling club. This will show it to your kids that you are committed to them as a parent in a blended family life. Also, sharing the photos from these memories will help to the bonding closer.

Some of the activities on sharing photos you can do are by asking your step kids were they are taken as well as names of their friends and relatives. This will allow you to get to know them better. Kids normally love photos of their parents as well as their step parents when they are younger. If you need help about your blended family or looking for advice, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for more info.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Making your Own Kids like their Step Siblings

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Your kids now have step siblings due to the decision of you and your new spouse to brought children into their blended family. Normally, the hardest aspects for the children when living in a blended family is how to get them together closer and live together. It might take time for the step siblings to adjust in the situation especially when it comes to bringing the loving way even to the groundwork that has been laid by you and your new spouse.

A good way to provide help to your own children is to brief them about the coming changes from the blended family and make them accept their new step family situations. Depending to the ages and development factors of the kids, you can tell them more about the situation of having step siblings. You might as well consider this by doing it regularly. Also, being open is important to encourage them to speak with their feelings about their coming new brothers and sisters, which you can ask questions then about their new life and new family. This is essential to let your children accept their step siblings as well as their new step family.

There are really lots of things you need to make in order to make the relationship of the blended family meaningful or make the flows of the relationship great. And if you don’t know how, you can contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center to get the necessary information for your step family.

About Making Blended Family Successful in a Relationship

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In the life of the newlywed couples without children, life can be easier to tackle. However, in the blended family with children, it is quite hard due to the demands of their children to spend time in order to build the great relationship needed for it to succeed. Balancing the time and energy between the children and their new spouse is considered to be difficult when it comes to the survival of their blended family.

It is clear that a newly blended family with a young child might demand an unparalleled attention to the parents especially since they or it is undergoing to the setting. The child normally felt that with the new step parent, it may consider her or his self-abandoned. Also, the attention to the step siblings can also be threatening when attempting to create a caring and loving relationship with the kids or step kids. Therefore, it is hard to balance the desires of the not so happy child as well as the obligations and joys from the new blended family. It is necessary on this part that you and your partner must make a move to protect your marriage especially that the blended family relationship is being back burner.

If you don’t know how or where to begin, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center to obtain the necessary advice to make your step family succeed in this kind of battles or journey. Remember that having blended family is different from the conventional family.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

About the Roles of Grandparents in Blended Family Occassions


step family
Grandparents are normally left swinging in breeze when their child divorces especially when there is a child left in non-custodial parent. Normally in such cases, they missed the conventional family celebrations such as birthdays, Christmas, thanksgiving, Hanukah and many other occasions.

Grandparents still have the same role in the new step family but will be bigger especially when the new spouse has children or kids and reentered remarriage with his or her son or daughter. The life will be more improved and useful tool in making wonderful and pleasant relationship with your step grandchildren. The benefits children will earn more from the loving and caring grandparents that is normally immeasurable. You can also help your grandchildren to adjust to the new step family by supporting them to their roles. The first step to do this is to accept the step siblings with open arms and open heart.

If you want to be welcome or make yourself feel welcome to the new blended family, you must treat every member as if they are real family. You need to consider treating the step kids also as fair from your heart and from your mind. Without doing this will put the relationship of them to you or yours to uncomfortable situation which will make it hard to adjust for all of you. If you don’t know how to begin, you can go to The Blended and Step Family Resource Center and obtain the best advice from the website.

Birthdays and Special Holidays Arrangements in Blended Family


You and your ex-spouse may agree to the parenting arrangement that covers your kids in terms of their birthdays and holidays. This is a great decision since you have a plan for your kids and without having such plan will surely results to disappointments from your kids or arguments to your ex-spouse.

Conflict-free celebration is one of the best gifts that you can give to your kids when it comes to celebrating special days with them. You might as well want to consider about adjustments to the plan every time it is needed and not sticking to the old one. In essence, do not take it personally when your kids wanted to celebrate holidays with your ex-spouse. Think about the benefits of the kids from it even if the day is actually scheduled for you. Therefore, it is important to consider celebrating with them at another time that is parallel like such situation.

If you remember the days when living as one family, it is more necessary to perform more planning with step family when you compared. It is essential to communicate often with your kids and to your ex-spouse to avoid disappointments because timetables that are unworkable or misunderstood may cause more problems.

If you want to know more information about blended family and celebrating birthdays or holidays with your kids, you can visit the Blended and Step Family Resource Center. You can also check the advice offered at the website that will surely be useful for your situations.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

About Step Parenting for Beginners

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If there is someone who is having a hard time adapting to the new roles in blended family, it is normally the step parents and step kids. This is true for the step parents since they wanted their selves to be fitted, be accepted and have a great impact to their step kids. However, they don’t usually know where to start the process. Well in case of the step kids, they normally refuse getting the offers from the step parents after experiencing a parent’s remarriage as it is complicated to their part. Well that makes sense since all approaches their step parents are being refused by them normally.

Your intentions as a step parent are very important to be at its best. You want mutual things between you and your step kids such as wanting to know them and letting them know you. You also want to be accepted to the circle of your spouse’s family with her children. You want to please them and make the blended family or new marriage works successfully.

To be straight forward, step children simple wanted to have things back to normal. Normally, step kids are acting unhappy due to their loss with their previous parent’s marriage and they show this on their lives and impressions to you.

If you think you need an advice about coping to this kind of situation in a blended family, you can do so by simply heading to The Blended and Step Family Resource Center. You can find useful info about step parenting for your step kids or step children.

Married Partners in Blended Family Can Date

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About dating your spouse in your blended family
If you think about when you were courting your spouse about the excitement together, discussions on everything and planning and learning things from your partner as well as the effort done is not a strange thing to consider when dating your spouse. You have to put more effort as a couple especially if you are married with kids and step kids.

It is important to set aside time with your blended family no matter how busy you are or how much attention needed to be given to your step family just to maintain the harmonious relationship. This is useful since the better the relationship you have with your step family, the better and easier for you to manage the challenges that may arise in a blended family. It is not just a success for you but also for the kids since they knew how to have a successful relationship even if there are challenges being faced. This is vital as well especially to the blended family children since most of them felt loss due to the failures of adult relationships. So always consider time as one of the best option to make your relationship stronger when it comes to managing your step family.

If you are in need of more details about blended family advice, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center. You’ll find lots of solutions and information about having blended family.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Getting Blended Family Ready for New Traditions on Holidays

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Blended Family holidays
If you and your new spouse are going to spend the first holiday season together, then congratulations! Normally, this kind of gatherings helps the family to give it a special meaning and to strengthen the bond. It is a good time to consider doing the traditional holiday you’ve been doing before with your new blended family. However, there are some who consider holidays as a conflict and time to hurt feelings. But giving priority to your blended family is a best step to do and makes the step meaningful for you and to them.

Old and new traditions are an important
Being a parent of you own kids, you know how important holidays that are traditionally done by you and them and this is more important when it comes to your new blended family. As their new step parent, you are happy to share your tradition with holidays but you might want to consider also the side of your step kids on their thoughts about holidays. The best way to make it a meaningful and efficient to improve the bonds of the blended family is to let the step kids share their thoughts as well. This will make the holiday celebration not just happy but improves the closeness of your biological kids with their step brothers or step sisters.

Should you need more details about celebrating holidays with blended family, consider asking for advice to The Blended and Step Family Resource Center. This way, your step family and your own family will have a happy time together.

Blended Family is Normal Nowadays

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Possibilities for a blended or step family to be normal
Blended family is becoming more and more usual nowadays. More step parents and new blended family partners as well are looking for helps and information from their challenges that they are undergoing. In the past, blended family relies on the normal nuclear family ways of running the system especially on how well they are doing. Due to the help of website who provide support for blended family, comparing the details between blended family and nuclear family is much easier.

Losses in the blended family
Normally, blended family evolves from a loss family that leads to remarriages. All people involved had experienced the loss of their nuclear family. The feelings they possess now it what will happen to them and why they deserve such situation to happen on them. This is the instability results from their loss.

Gains in your step family
The widowed or divorced parents who normally find someone who they can share their life are somewhat fortunate. There are many possibilities from this kind of situations where they begin again to fall in love and making plans for a future just like the first time they did. A blended family is however involves family combinations from the remarriages of the parents and step parents wherein they consider it as an advantage for their kids.

If you need help for your step kids or looking for information about blended family advice, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Learning How To Parent Your Blended Family


blended family
One of the most common things people enter remarriage is to contemplate it especially when they both have children from the previous relationship. They usually needs to compare the parenting styles of both sides to see If there are adjustments needed to be done by them as parents. There might be some time that will came to your mind questioning yourself why mess with something that seems to be working fine.

Different strokes
It makes you wonder how many of the things will work such as disciplines, television permissions, bed times, daily chore and many more when it comes to different family approach. It is better to get things settled sooner with your partner and your new blended family when it comes to the parenting philosophies. While discovering the difference between you and your partner when it comes to parenting, it is important not to judge each other since your goal is to make agreement fair in your new family systems.

Create house rules
It is essential to have or create rules written down in notebook as a rules and guidelines for the new blended family home. This is essential when it comes to the time that step kids need references in order to make suggestions. The share of the children is very important in this kind of situation so meeting both families before moving into one home is really crucial.

Should you need information about step family or blended family, you can go to The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Discipline Standards for Transparency and Reliability in Blended Family


blended family
For blended family with step children and step siblings who have been raised, there are different parenting philosophies and clear cut standards together with expectations can be the saving graces. One of the many essential talks you and your new blended family spouse will be the individual styles of parenting in the step family situations being faced.

Blended family guidelines, boundaries and consequences
The new family dynamic is one of the several things of changes that is inherent when forming and managing a blended family. The usual rules and systems in the past implemented by single parent might not work well with the new blended family settings especially when the step kids expects to responds to different parenting styles or when step siblings of different ages, personalities and needs are included. The time for the two of you needs to discuss guidelines and boundaries for your kids and your new step family home, most likely before combining both families. This will help the new step parent an early pass on any blame with changes.

Planning
Planning the time with your new partner to discuss about the important things from both sides as parents makes the blended family works well. Some of the considerations are to know what both family likes and what they don’t. This is important to prevent conflicts between the two families joined together.

If you need advice for blended family especially for your step family, you can visit or contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Happily Ever After Never Comes Easy for Blended Family

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The difficulty of stepfamily living is what makes many blended family fall since they are not prepared. Most people believe that lessons learned from your first marriage are enough in order to succeed with the remarriage. If you are already a parent, you assume that figuring out how to be a good step parent would be easy. Well, happily ever after is not given to such relationship easily.

Reality strikes in the step family
Stepfamilies are not very much like first families in the reality for many blended family couples especially if unprepared. The time generally allows the couple to enjoy being together especially to the building process of the relationship, which is normally before the children arrives.

Be prepared in your remarriage
The smart blended family couples normally see the potential of problems and do not get blindsided by the assumptions according to the Brady Bunch reruns on TV. They study the concepts of blended families that are successful and work at their marriages. They also know to overcome problems that may arise to their relationship as well as to their kids and able to surpass it. This is important to them especially to their step kids that expecting the problems will be ideal and make things much easier to resolve.

Should you need more info about blended family, you can do so by heading to the website of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center. Check out the website today and get to know the concepts of remarriage that can help you.

Investing Communication for Relationship of Blended Family


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The odds are against the blended family especially if you and your wife has been married and then divorced with children. In the US, the rates of divorces are about 45 percent for first marriages, which is frightening enough. The divorce rate for a blended family is over 60 percent up to 70 percent for third marriage blended families.

How to avoid being included to those percentages? First you must understand that relationship needs effort and time. It is easy to take your partner but the one you cherish and love for granted. As time goes by, you forget to appreciate the things that were once special. You forget to take effort and time to do the little things he or she loved for you to do. You forgot to have sex as often and even let it become a routine event for both of you. You stop being grateful for everyday that you are both together. Making sure your relationship gets the care it deserves is vital to both of you especially for stressors of blended family life.

Communication is key in a step family

Why there are things that make the relationship fail, without having communications will make the situation more badly. The problem with blended family relationships is that they both believe they have been there and seen the disasters. Therefore, having communication with your spouse is important to make things work well. If you need more advice, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Friday, September 14, 2012

About the Myths of Blended Family Life

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You’ve made a decision when you and your new partner decided to form a new blended family that is beneficial to the children partly. You will have to put several considerations to this kind of decision since you will be happier and secure in yourself as well as able to be more giving to your children, which in return the children will also be happier.

Whose choice is it?
Who chose to create the blended family and who decided that combining their lives with their new step parent and their kids was a great idea? Not you kids. By entering to this decision you are making a decision where the kids are going to blend with the universe since the person is not their usual parent. Therefore, there is no doubt that these step kids are not going to be well close with their new step parent.

Helping kids in a blended family cope
Acknowledging the feelings of your kids to cope with the new remarriage you bought into their lives is one of the best things you can to do them to help them. Talk and listen to your kids and let them express what they think about it. By doing this, you will make them also as an active listener in return. If you want your step kids to listen to you or to your partner, you will have to listen to them also.

Should you need more information about blended family, you can call or visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center website.

Adult Step Kids Makes Step Parent Struggles

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Most people think that entering remarriage arrangement with adult children would not include struggles for blended family. You might also think that the children will accept their new step parent since they understand their parent’s happiness. Not necessary and not always. Actually, it is hardly that you would think also that there would only few issues between step kids and step parents.

Expectations for an all-adult blended family
People with adult children will generally think that they have entirely reasonable expectation as they will be free to concentrate on each other when entering a new blended family. They have already raised their own children and look forward to a relationship free from tension and stress if they were expecting raising step kids. The happy adult blended family scenarios takes time, lowering of expectations and understanding in many cases where sweet model matches reality.

What is the problem with adults kids in a blended family
The real question you need to put into your mind is what grown children possess against their parent being happy. Why they are not happy that you found new relationship with someone who will share with your lonely life. You might also think that growing families would feel relief by not having to worry about you being along. The truth is, their problem might also be the same as it might be if they were still living at home.

Should you need help or advice for your new blended family especially when it comes to step kids, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Communications Guidance with Ex-Spouse for Blended Family


Are experience difficulties talking with your ex-spouse about your kids? Does it end up into an argument each time you talk about it? Here are few suggestions for who, what, where, when and how to communicate with your ex-spouse effectively.

Who
Your current spouse and mate should always have primary communication and discuss about your spouse first.

What
The only thing you need to consider why you talk or communicate with your ex-spouse is because of the children and none other.

When
Speak with your ex-spouse if it is urgent related such as illness or trauma, but needs to have focus while talking with one another or should we say in the state of mind.

Where
There is no need for a meet ups when you need to talk with your ex-spouse, but in some cases, you can select a place where both of you have the neutral side where discussion can be done effectively.

How
Talking with your ex-spouse regarding the kids is acceptable, however consider emails or phone first before any other method if it is effective.

Why
You need to maintain a working relationship with your ex-spouse with some limitations and only for the purpose of cases involving the kids.

Being a parent is tough in a blended family but if you focus your mind and stay on the right track, it will be a lot easier. Just keep in mind that you always do the right thing for the kids.

Struggles for Blended Family about Getting Along with Teenager and New Spouse



Since children needs to create themselves as competent individuals and must obtain independence, raising them is always a challenge for parent. This is the important drive also for children to establish control and learn the function of adult world with regards to making decisions on their own. Therefore, it is advisable to provide them the freedom to decide for their own sake to practice their skills and their love to the environment. Once there is a teenager in the house and we accept it, the place will be challenging but will get easier to the parents.

The teenage challenge for a blended family
For cases that we added a step parent or siblings and a new baby to the family, then we must expect the fact that raising a teenager will be a lot more challenging. The older step kid in the blended family is usually the hard one to accept a step parent and the new blended family mix. Therefore, accepting this fact will make the process a lot easier again. It is important that you don’t make judgment to the step kids especially when you’re a step parent who’s disagreeable for the kid. It is also important to have patience for every step they are going through regarding the new blended family adjustments.

If you need information or help about blended family related concerns, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center to get the advice needed for your situation.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Step Mother and Father are either superheroes or Villains in Blended Family


You are constantly being judged by the step kids of your spouse, by the relatives and friends who knew the ex-spouse if you’re a step parent in the blended family. The main reason is the main category of which you fall based from the scrutiny, the evil step mother and all that implies from it.

Ignore what you cannot change

Bear in mind if relatives and former friends of ex-spouse insist on finding you unsuitable from all you can execute in order to keep on being who you are and hope they will come around sooner or later. Face it that you are not oblige to endorse as a good step mother or father since you just simply take comfort in the strong relationship that you and your spouse have come together.

Blended family relationships that matters
Happily, young children tend to be flexible regarding whom they love and why, but adolescents are apt to be prickly at best and can be downright hateful at their worst. As a step parent, after those with your spouse and biological children, the relationships that matter are the ones you establish with your step kids. Several step children are just not expecting to like you or your presence in their lives very much, so your work is cut out for you.

If you want to know more of the details and looking for information about blended family, you can do so by heading to The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Blended Family’s Differences may become Conflict


You might have given up expecting your new blended family to be same as your previous one. There are lots of differences between the two families. Generally speaking, a new couple sets off on a new life together in nuclear family with supports of friends and love ones.

When a child is born, the couples learn to care for, love and appreciate the child. They also start to redefine each other, moving from partners and lovers to co-parents accepting these relationship changes as they come along simply in a part of the way family life is and ought to be. Also, having children makes the relationship much deeper.

Look at your blended family as unique
The new blended couples make it hard to establish a home together due to the nuclear family. By the time that the new blended family couples establishes a home together, and then have been through many loss, legal battles and heartbreak. Therefore, they are being provoked by experiences in the past. They also suffer usually from recrimination from love ones and friends. So having a blended family is something unique and differs from one couple to another.

Should you be experiencing the same as what have been mentioned here, you can contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center or you can visit them to find out more about having and keeping your blended family efficiently. You can also check the other offers they provide for blended family or step kids related concerns.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Not So Fun Rides and Emotional Rollercoasters with Blended Family



Sometimes you wonder what you did to deserve such disrespect and anger from your step kids. Maybe nothing if you think about it. The truth is that child found it hard to cope with blended family where many kids are facing difficulties to face this kind of situation in their life. They can’t understand sometimes the feeling of being overwhelmed, insecure or unstable and can’t express their feelings verbally in an efficient way. Therefore, the step parent in a blended family can be the easy target of this kind of situation and also aids to remember not to make any personal attacks.

Reacting to angry and disrespectful words

It is considered to be challenging for step parents facing this kind of situation but with proper listening, heart and eyes to the angry words being thrown to them, they can get used to the crux of their anger. Looking for deeper reason is a skill worth developing and if failure happens to the approach, then try another.

Outside counseling

It is appropriate for any type of abuse such as verbal to not be tolerated. Counseling can help in this kind of situation where step kids attacks step parents or throw hurtful words to the step siblings. Counseling is the appropriate way to overcome such situation that involves physical aggression or other types of violence. So every member of the blended family deserves to live in a household where in safety can be found. You can visit The Blended and Step Resource Center to obtain the best advice for your blended family needs

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Setting Boundaries with Blended Family is needed for Ex-spouses


Setting boundaries to protect the autonomy of the remarriage is essential while extending the blended family into a working relationship with an ex-spouse. There are some instances where ex-spouse steps across the lines of divorce or remarriage. Whether the reason is to increase the old ties or having hard time redefining a post-divorce relationship, it can be considered as an intrusion to the new blended family life of the person. Therefore, you need to know what you can do, what should you do and how you can determine the okay and not okay situations.

What is appropriate contact between ex-spouses?
It is always appropriate to have a communication for kids when it comes to the partner and his or her ex-spouse if they have children together. Co-parenting takes cooperative collaboration and communications in order to make parents effective is crucial. There are some instances that ex-spouses have business together or share other properties. Whatever the reason it may be, accepting and supporting the necessary communication is essential for your blended family partner. If there is no reason for remaining ties, then having a continued contact is not necessary for the ex-spouses.

Having text, call or emails daily with the ex-spouse can be defined as not having the essence of divorce since it will lead to not able to letting go of the relationship. If you want to know more of the details about blended family, then you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center to get the best advice.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Review, reassess and revise blended family management plan


Stop, look and listen in your stepfamily
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Take time to notice how well your step kids and you are getting along, and how well you know and appreciate each other. Listen. Is there laughter in your step family household? Do you hear conversation that indicates considerate and caring personal interest in other family members? Is there spontaneous group activity or discussion? Is your relationship with your bio kids thriving? Do you spend enough one-on-one time with them?

Blended family meetings
Blended family meetings are a great way to review events of the summer, recognize milestones and celebrate accomplishments. They are also an excellent opportunity to perform a review of the rules of the household and have discussions about how they might be improved. As blended family members grow and develop new interests and obligations, so do needs and expectations.

What is negotiable in a blended family?
Like many issues in our lives, some blended family issues are fixed and not open to discussion; such as your blended family requirement that everyone be treated with consideration and respect. Other issues that remain constant might refer to the parental management partnership which runs each blended family household; step kids are always expected to respond to the advice or reprimands of a step parent in the same way they would respond to their own bio parent. Some values are non-negotiable.

If you need any additional assistance, check out the resources at The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Looking at summer’s end with your blended family

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Before you get entirely focused on returning to a school year schedule for your blended family, take some time to look back on how well the summer visitations went, the growing relationships between step siblings, your progress as a step parent in bonding with your step kids, and on the overall strength of your blended family unit.

Celebrate summer holiday
Let your visiting step kids know that their visit was valued and important to the blended family. If you made videos or took photos of their time with you, schedule a video or photo show of your summer vacation fun. 

Be grateful
Let your kids, both bio kids and step kids, know that your time together was valuable to you personally, to their step siblings, and to the entire blended family unit, and that you enjoyed being with them over the summer.

Get organized
Getting ready for the upcoming school year means shopping trips for clothes and school supplies and preparing visitation schedules. Having one master schedule showing school vacations, visitations, blended family birthdays and other special dates, and social or sporting events for the kids is very helpful in avoiding potential conflicts. 

Where is my book bag?
Your own relationship with the other parent of your children is an important indicator of how well your kids will manage their shift between houses under a visitation schedule. Helping kids and step kids keep track of their things as they travel back and forth between parental homes is easier if you and the other parents maintain a cooperative and collaborative relationship.

Looking forward
Summer vacation behind you at last, take a look at how well you and your spouse did over the summer in the management of your step family, and in the management of your own relationship. Remember, the strength and stability of your relationship is vital to the success of your blended family unit. Why not plan a special night out, just the two of you, to celebrate? Visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for more information.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Dealing with the other parent of your step kids

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What do you do if the other parent of your step kids resists your best efforts to get along? Like it or not, if your spouse has children with another partner, you and the ex-spouse are linked.  While it may not always work smoothly, or even pleasantly, your step kids will always connect you and the ex-spouse in-law. A positive and cooperative relationship will benefit your step kids and your entire blended family. So, what do you do if your attempts are rejected? Keep trying!

Relationship goals to avoid
 Do you envision yourself as counselor or mediator between your partner and their ex-spouse, or between your step kids and their other parent? Please forget about helping any of them work through their issues. Immediately. No matter what you do or say, the more you try to help, the more you risk overstepping your bounds. As limiting as it sounds, communication between you and the other parent of your step kids should focus on logistics like scheduling visitation and parent-teacher appointments. Please do make an effort to make all interchanges cordial and cooperative, because that is what is in the best interests of your blended family, but beyond that, keep the relationship strictly focused on the step kids.

Rules of engagement
If talking on the telephone with your spouse’s ex (or even with your own ex-spouse) often escalates into a shouting match, develop the art of controlled exchange. If necessary, keep a note to yourself next to the phone to help keep things under control. The note might contain hints such as:
  1. Smile
  2. Use conversational voice
  3. Listen
  4. Stay on subject, use control phrases
  5. Stay cool
  6. Stay within boundaries
  7. Repeat resolution reached or arrangements made
  8. Polite good bye


(
You might try the following control phrases if things escalate: I am sorry you are upset. Let’s get back to the kids. I understand what you are saying. If tempers flare and they begin to shout, say something to the effect that the conversation has stopped being useful and you will have to hang up if they do not stop shouting. 

Mutual respect
Just as members of your blended family treat each other in a respectful manner, you are obligated to treat the other parent of your step kids respectfully, as well. And while you have absolutely no control over how they treat you, you do have control over your own behavior. 

As always, when parents and step parents communicate about their children, it is important to lay aside personal issues and focus on the best interests of the blended family children. As well, it is also important for you and your spouse to stay focused on each other and your own relationship, which is at the center of your blended family unit. For more information, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Fabled wicked step mothers seek to control blended family

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After their parents divorce and dad enters into anew marriage with a stranger, many kids quickly associate their new step mother with the fairy tale version. How easy is it for a stepmother to stumble into the role of wicked step mother?

Rough beginnings for step mothers
Going through a divorce with their parents can leave many children feeling like victims in an adult world which ignores their wants and needs, and sometimes treats them like contested property

Are you a wicked step mother?
  • You demand that your husband choose you over his kids. They have to learn they no longer are his first priority and are not running the show anymore.
  • You take no interest in the lives or interests of your step kids. They are not your problem, and have nothing to do with you. Birthdays? You are not their mother.
  • When the step kids come to your house, you let them know they are only there as visitors, unlike your own children who live with you full time.
  • You are too busy to attend games, plays, or award ceremonies your step kids are involved in. Their own mother should take care of that.
  • You do not bother to provide a permanent place in your home for your step kids to sleep. They are only visiting, and they know how to make up the couch by themselves.
  • You ask your step kids prying questions about their mother so you can point out how much better you are in comparison. You say negative things about their mother.
  • You use phrases like, “When you are in my house…”
  • You expect your step kids to be grateful for all that you do for them. 


As a step parent, you are in a position to make the blended family experiencehappy and loving, one that adds value to their lives. Often, later in life, step kids finally look back at their step parents with love and gratitude. For many step mothers, the wait is worth it. For more information, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.


Thursday, August 2, 2012

Being a step parent is like being on a roller coaster

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Being a step parent feels a little like that sometimes. That is not to say that being in a blended family is like a day at the amusement park, but most step moms and step dads can identify with the comparison.

Step parents need not seek approval
You feel like you finally have a handle on what makes your step kids tick. You have figured out what makes them mad, what makes them laugh, and now and then you catch a glimpse of what makes them happy. Then one day one of your step kids looks at you as if you are totally stupid, or at the very least, woefully inadequate.

Step parents rule!
Whether your step kids like it or not, you are married to their parent, and are not there on approval. While it is your obligation and your joy to always be caring and considerate, and to model that behavior for everyone in your blended family, it is important that there be no misunderstanding about who is in charge. Step kids who try to hold the adults in their life as emotional hostages are usually in pain, and need our understanding and support.

Your blended family is a unit which needs maintenance and repair
As with any growing and changing organization, your blended family needs regular maintenance and upkeep. Routinely review your plan to manage your blended family, and make any necessary revisions or establish needed re-training programs to make sure everyone is still working toward a common goal. As a caring and supportive blended family, the needs and rights of all your members must be nurtured as well as protected.

The rollercoaster ride that is step parenthood is a long one,thrilling, full of surprises, a little scary and not for the faint of heart, but the kind of experience that makes you feel like you’ve achieved something once you survive it! For more information, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

You are not the boss of me!

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Many step parents hear this refrain, or another version of it, from time to time: You can’t tell me what to do! You are not the boss of me! Yikes. Such indignation! Such bravado! Such significance!

Preparing for blended family step parenthood
You knew that a child is more likely to accept discipline or consequences from his or her own parent than from a step parent, so you discussed who would take the lead in which circumstances, especially when it came to disciplining your own bio kids.

The best laid plans of mice and men….
You agreed that as a couple, you would be the leaders of your blended family, understanding that without your strong, loving and trusting relationship as its foundation, managing a step family in a way that supports shared goals and mutual respect could be very difficult indeed, if not impossible. Your assertion that step kids dislike being corrected or disciplined by a step parent was right on.

I trust you with my kid
A trusting relationship requires that each parent knows their partner is capable of parenting a step child. Your child. If, for some reason, either of you are afraid the other might not measure up to the needs of a child, it is time to talk about it. Dialogue about such pressing matters need to be undertaken in a serious way, with both partners open to the discussion and able to put the focus where it belongs: on the welfare of the child.

Revisit the house rules
The roles of the children, step kids and bio kids alike, are to grow and to learn. Your roles as parents are to lead by loving example, lead by direction, and lead by consistency. If your combined children do not know beyond any doubt that you two are in charge, together, unified, and indivisible, you need to correct the misunderstanding.

How can you respond the next time your step kid hits you with you are not the boss of me?  Say, well, yes I am. And I am happy to be one of the people in charge in your life because I care about you and because I care about this family. For more information, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Visitation agreements not all they are cracked up to be


image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
Visitation arrangements are settled during separation or divorce, and both parties agree to abide by them. You and your new spouse know that building your blended family is easier when you take care of your own relationship. Likewise, when you and your ex-spouse can agree that what is best for the children shall be the keystone of your co-parenting arrangement, the kids will be freed from constant wrangling and court appearances.

Getting along with your ex-spouse
With a divorce and remarriage in their recent experience, kids need to know they can really rely on you two getting along well enough to be parents; otherwise it can be really difficult for them to feel safe and secure, or trust that you will do right by them. Children often feel responsible when parents divorce, and having them fight about custody and visitation matters reinforces that belief.

Communication with your ex-spouse
Cooperative or not, you will always have to communicate with your ex-spouse about your children. When you do, regardless of whether he or she is cooperative or not, here are some guidelines for communication.

@Stay on message
@Stay cool
@Stay away from finger pointing and old arguments
@Keep going back to your point if the subject gets changed
@Keep it about the kids, and only the kids
@Keep it between the two of you; never ask kids to carry messages

In order of preference, the means of communicating with an ex-spouse is by email, texting, voice mail, telephone conversation, and only if all else fails, with a personal meeting. When you have a parental issue to handle, an email offers you the best opportunity to set the right wording and tone.

Make visitation work
If you remember that spending time with their other parent is for and about the children, not an accommodation to your ex-spouse, hassles and scheduling snafus take on less inconvenience and annoyance. Encourage your kids to have a great time and enjoy being with their other parent. Send no messages via the children. Have them ready for pick up if that is the arrangement, and make sure you are ready to receive them when they are dropped back home.

Your primary relationship
While it is important to have a good relationship with your ex-spouse, be sure to put your major efforts into your primary relationship: the one with your new spouse and the blended family you are building together. Visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for more information on how to make visitation agreements work.

Monday, July 23, 2012

A harmonious blended family: fiction or fact?


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Balancing child rearing philosophy, energy, and commitment is often no fun for a blended family step parent. Feeling torn between your new spouse, stepchildren, and your own kids when you are trying to keeping everybody on board your blended family boat from a mutiny can be a challenge-but achievable! Here’s how:

·         Assess the situation.
·         Set your goal.
·         Create a plan.
·         Follow through.
·         Continually re-assess the situation.
·         Revisit your goal.
·         Revise your plan if needed.
·         Follow through.


Acknowledge the struggle
When you and your new spouse created this blended family, if you expected that two separate established families with established routines and methods, and with established rules and expectations, could blend together easily, you were being blinded by love. Some say that anything worth having is worth struggling for; they may well be talking about blended families. 


Have discussions about childrearing when you are alone
If you and your spouse discuss a hot parenting issue for the first time in front of you kids, you may be setting yourselves, and your kids, up for confusion and discomfort. Besides agreeing that you and your spouse will always present a united stance in front of the kids, you should both know that if you argue in front of children, it affects them in several different ways.

Say what you feel
Unless you tell your spouse or step kids how you feel and why, it is not fair for either you or your child to feel misunderstood. Harmony can only be realized in a blended family where everyone knows what is and is not expected of them. Tell your spouse exactly what you need in order to feel accepted, special, and an important part of their life.\

Mutually agree on consequences for breaking house rules
Do not assume your accustomed style of disciplining your kids is appropriate for your step kids. You and your spouse must have a frank discussion about whatever rules and consequences existed before the blended family.

Step up to the task
Make it a major goal to develop a relationship with each step kid, one that has nothing to do with your spouse. Set aside special time for you and your step kid to interact alone. For more information, visit The Blended and Step FamilyResource Center.