Being a stepmom in a blended or step family is probably one of the toughest roles a woman can have. And for good reason. Being a stepmom requires you to take the role and responsibility of being a good wife to your new partner and a good stepmom to his kids while having your own kids to worry about. All this is uncharted territory not only to you, but also to them.
As a stepmom, you have a tremendous responsibility if you want to make things work in your blended family. It may seem overwhelming at first, but there are things you need to focus on to avoid the trap of making the wrong actions that would cause your blended family setting to fail.
· Never make your husband choose you over the children. You are not competing with your step kids.
· Take time to get to know your step kids – what they like, don’t like, or are interested in.
· Be sure to recognize the special days and events in the lives of your husband’s children.
· Treat your own children and step kids equally and make sure they see it.
· When your step kids come to visit, don’t leave the sleeping arrangements to your husband, or let the kids figure things out on their own. As the step mom in a blended family, you need to make sure that the kids know they have a certain place to call their own when they come.
· There should be the same set of rules for your children and your husband’s kids. A blended family means blended rules.
· Allow your step kids to have friends over.
· Be sure to give your step kids “alone time” with dad when they come for a visit.
Remember that when you choose a man who has children, you choose his kids as well. At the same time, you are promising to love and nurture them as you do your own children. They may not recognize and appreciate your efforts at first, but if you show consistency at it, they will know what you mean soon enough.
If you want to know how you can better take your role as a stepmom in a blended family, The Blended and Step Family Resource Center is a good place to start with. We offer counseling and coaching services to step parents who want to achieve balance in their blended family setting. Contact us today and start your way to a better blended family life.