Friday, March 9, 2012

Avoiding blended family mistakes eases transition

There are always a million and one things you should do when you become a blended family. There are also several things you should not do whenever you enter remarriage. Learning the right things to do and the wrong things to do will help you become a better partnership. No one is perfect, but you should learn to be respectful of your new family members.

Do not pretend like nothing has changed
One of the worst things you can do whenever your family enters the step kids and step parent situation, is to pretend like nothing has happened. It is no secret that things have changed, but you should not try to make it a secret. There are obviously different family members in your home and you should acknowledge it and try to make the best of it.

Do not give your own children special attention
Whenever you agreed to become a blended family, you also agreed to take his or her kids as your own. Of course, those kids still have their biological parents, but that is no excuse for you to treat them differently than your own. Keep in mind that those kids are going to be watching you like a hawk. Kids are smart, and they will know if you are treating them like second-class citizens.

Do not treat everything as a competition
Competition is a natural part of life, but it should not be a natural part of being a step mom or step dad. Do not try and make life a competition between kids. For example, you do not want to rub it into your spouse’s face that your kid did better in school than his kid. Remember, you are supposed to be making your blended family as whole as possible. Ripping each other apart is not the way to go when you are trying to build a family structure.

Do not ignore your spouse
Family time is so important and that is why you do not want to only focus on the kids. Spend time with your spouse alone. Of course, you should spend time with your step children, but you should also go on dates two to four times a month. This will help make your remarriage go a lot smoother. Your kids will do better, when you and your spouse are thriving.

Do enjoy your time together as a family
As mentioned before, there are a lot of do’s and don’ts when it comes to blending a family together. Each family member is important in making sure this works out. The parents need time to themselves, but everyone needs to spend time together. Enjoy life and keep in mind that you all are capable of making this remarriage work. Follow these “do not” rules and watch your family flourish.

For more information, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center, for guidance on managing your blended or step family.

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