Reasonable Efforts for Step Moms in Blended Family

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Most challenging jobs that women can have might be becoming a step mom. One of the people who is primarily responsible for managing the home is the blended family mother, which maintaining a loving relationship with her husband besides from looking after the step kids as well as her own biological children. Furthermore, she is also holding down an outside job. Therefore, she is in charge of everyone’s happiness.

Your ex-husband thinks threatened by the presence of your new husband in the life of his kids, and even in your life.  Both your step kids and your bio kids are battling in order to deal with their own feelings of their confusion, loss, and with the new step family dynamic. Becoming step siblings does not come naturally to either set of kids, and anger and resentment may be the only thing they have in mutual. Your in-laws, both present and past, are worried what your remarriage might mean regarding how often they get to see their grandkids, and how welcome they will be in the new step family setting.

There are many things included in the blended family that most step kids are having difficulties of. They normally suffer from their loss greatly and need guidance from their parents. Therefore, the love from your husband and remarriage will help you blended family to succeed and prosper. If you still don’t know where to begin, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for more information.

Blended Family is Normal Nowadays

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Possibilities for a blended or step family to be normal

Blended family is becoming more and more usual nowadays. More step parents and new blended family partners as well are looking for helps and information from their challenges that they are undergoing. In the past, blended family relies on the normal nuclear family ways of running the system especially on how well they are doing. Due to the help of website who provide support for blended family, comparing the details between blended family and nuclear family is much easier.

Losses in the blended family

Normally, blended family evolves from a loss family that leads to remarriages. All people involved had experienced the loss of their nuclear family. The feelings they possess now it what will happen to them and why they deserve such situation to happen on them. This is the instability results from their loss.

Gains in your step family

The widowed or divorced parents who normally find someone who they can share their life are somewhat fortunate. There are many possibilities from this kind of situations where they begin again to fall in love and making plans for a future just like the first time they did. A blended family is however involves family combinations from the remarriages of the parents and step parents wherein they consider it as an advantage for their kids.

If you need help for your step kids or looking for information about blended family advice, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Being a step parent is like being on a roller coaster

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Being a step parent feels a little like that sometimes. That is not to say that being in a blended family is like a day at the amusement park, but most step moms and step dads can identify with the comparison.

Step parents need not seek approval

You feel like you finally have a handle on what makes your step kids tick. You have figured out what makes them mad, what makes them laugh, and now and then you catch a glimpse of what makes them happy. Then one day one of your step kids looks at you as if you are totally stupid, or at the very least, woefully inadequate.

Step parents rule!

Whether your step kids like it or not, you are married to their parent, and are not there on approval. While it is your obligation and your joy to always be caring and considerate, and to model that behavior for everyone in your blended family, it is important that there be no misunderstanding about who is in charge. Step kids who try to hold the adults in their life as emotional hostages are usually in pain, and need our understanding and support.

Your blended family is a unit which needs maintenance and repair

As with any growing and changing organization, your blended family needs regular maintenance and upkeep. Routinely review your plan to manage your blended family, and make any necessary revisions or establish needed re-training programs to make sure everyone is still working toward a common goal. As a caring and supportive blended family, the needs and rights of all your members must be nurtured as well as protected.

The rollercoaster ride that is step parenthood is a long one,thrilling, full of surprises, a little scary and not for the faint of heart, but the kind of experience that makes you feel like you’ve achieved something once you survive it! For more information, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Co-parenting and joint custody in an extended blended family

A blended family has more members than we sometimes acknowledge, so it may be helpful now and then to take a renewed look at your extended family structure. A successful blended family makes accommodations with an ex-spouse and his or her new partner, and understanding how much they impact kids who spend time at their home in a joint custody arrangement.

Making co-parenting and joint custody work

An amicable co-parenting and joint custody partnership with your ex-spouse is one of the most important relationships you can cultivate. When both parents set aside their own personal issues and put them first, children gain a kind of stability and self-worth that is hard to match.

Co-parenting after a divorce and marriage

After your divorce and remarriage, the only relationship you have with your ex-spouse is that of co-parents of your children. It can help to begin thinking of the relationship as something completely new, something quite outside of you and your ex-spouse.

Co-parenting is the best option for your children

When you and your ex-spouse work together in cooperation for their benefit, your kids see that they are more important than whatever conflict ended the marriage. They can understand that your love for them will prevail, no matter what.

If your ex-spouse has also remarried

You deserve and expect consideration and respect for your role as a step parent to the biological children of your new blended family partner. Likewise, your consideration and respect for your ex-spouse’s new partner is called for, as well.

Enlist your partner’s help

Co-parenting with someone you wish you never had to see again is not easy, and it can sometimes take its toll in tension and exasperation. Keep personal issues with your ex-spouse away from your children and never, ever say negative things to them about your ex.

For more information on how to keep and strengthen your blended family, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Blended family couples struggle against the odds

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Blended family success rates are struggling to keep up with the failure rates. Second marriages end in divorce at an higher rate than first marriages do. How can we avoid repeating the same disillusionment and pain? These tips may help you and your blended family partner keep from falling into those couple traps that lead to poor relationship dynamics.

Give your relationship the respect it deserves. If you think that shifting your main focus away from your spouse and onto the children will help the situation, you do everyone a disservice. Your strong relationship is the glue that keeps your blended family together. Work together in a conscious effort to build a relationship of mutual respect and understanding.

Be safe. No matter what one person says in anger, you both agree that your marriage and your relationship will stay secure. If one of you is hesitant to speak their mind for fear of reaction or threats of divorce, your safety zone has been breached.

Fight fair. The first rule of fair fighting is, of course, no physical violence-ever. The second rule is, fight only about the subject at hand, without dragging out other complaints, too. Keeping things as cool as possible is always a good goal, and throwing new and old issues around like darts is never cool.

Forget about the small stuff. Learn how to distinguish between big problems and little ones. In the category of big problems you will tend to see things like health, financial security, welfare of the children, fidelity, and such.

Life has stress and strains, and so what? If you wish to know more about keeping it together as a blended family couple, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Step parenting roles for step moms and step dads

Being a step mom or a step dad is a hard job, no doubt about it. Chances are you came into this step parent position with little or no training for it. When you come right down to it, few of us looked into the future to see ourselves as step parents!

Suggestions for step parent role limits

Children of divorce and remarriage benefit from close ties to both bio parents, and you can help by encouraging them to work things out for the benefit of the kids while you stand back. Oh, you still hold an important position in your step family, to be sure. You need to be the person who is objective, fair, kind, and accepting of your spouse and of the children, no matter what else is happening. Your step kids have likely been navigating between battling parents for quite some time, and they can probably use a bit of stability and calm from you.

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Their parents probably can, too. You can help with that. You can support your spouse and his or her parenting goals by presenting a united stand with your step kids. You might advocate for a different approach now and then if you feel you must, and not appear to be taking sides if you are open and honest and above all, fair.

If your  step kids have lost their other parents, either through death or by absence, your step parent role increased, buy your main role is to support your spouse as he or she parents her children. Until your step kids have fully accepted you in a parental role, you are relegated to the equally significant and reputable role as partner to their bio parent.

Parenting is difficult. Step parenting is harder. But when step parents approach the role in the same way parents do, by doing what is best for the children  and for the blended family, everyone benefits. For more information on keeping blended family relationships, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Step parenting just one crew of kids is not so easy

A blended family consisting of one parent, kids, and a step parent has some advantages over a blended family with two sets of kids, but that is not to say things are easier. 

The outsider

In a perfect world, each new blended family should move into a home entirely new to everyone, but in many cases that is just not feasible. Moving into the home of your marital predecessor can be difficult, but a considerate and empathetic partner can encourage you to make the kinds of changes you need to feel more comfortable. Stepping into former spouse territory will likely be easier, though, than stepping into the space of your step kids’ other parent.

Step moms and other starring roles

Some step moms do consider auditioning for the role of Big Sister, or Best Friend, but luckily are often rebuffed. Luckily, your step kids need your role to be that of step mom, in partnership with their dad.  Put your energy into being the kind of step mom who loves their dad, treats them with loving kindness and consideration, and expects to be treated with respect.

Step dad, Pal, or Captain Obedience?

No matter whether your step kids need a friend, need to show more respect for their mother, or need a splash of reality in their lives, what they need most is that you love and respect their mother and treat them fairly.

Rules and discipline

Mutual respect should always be first and foremost on the list, especially for communications between step kids and their step parents. There may be times when people do not agree, but they can be perfect times to model the skill of disagreeing without being disagreeable.

Love

Love usually takes time, especially if you are met with suspicion or outright hostility. Try not to feel guilty about it, and concentrate on getting to know your step kids, without expectations or judgment. In the beginning, it is enough to know that your partner expects you to try. It may help to think of love as something that is not earned, but something that is given away unreservedly.

If you feel like an outsider in your blended family, give it time. Let your step kids get to know your. Take care that you give credit for something well done, use restraint in advice or correction, and be open to every opportunity. You might be surprised to know that it is worth the effort. For more information regarding step parenting, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Blended family with two sets of children, no problem!

Being a step dad or a step mom is not an easy thing to do.  Movies and television shows would have us believing that success is inevitable when two adults with children meet, fall in love, and decide to blend their two families. And it all happens within a one- or two-hour time frame! In blended family life, real life, making it happen does not always come so quickly or easily.

The joys of blended family living

A blended family with two sets of step kids has great potential for being that great big happy family you and your spouse envision, and the rewards of being a step mom and a step dad are boundless. Finding an entirely new set of people to love and to love you is always worthwhile, and the simple act of expanding compassion, affection, and interest in others can have far reaching effects.

Step sibling challenges

Most step siblings do have one important thing in common: none of them asked to be there! Blended family step siblings , whether they like it or not, have to share a home and learn to get along, despite seeing each other only on weekends or holidays when one set of kids lives with another parent.

Territorial issues

Territory is often an issue in a step family. Kids who have had their own rooms in a previous house may find sharing accommodations, even for short visits by step siblings, difficult to manage. In some blended family homes, accommodation can be very crowded, but do try to make sure everyone has at least some private or personal own area in their shared room.

Respect

When you set your ground rules for living a blended family, make treating each other in a respectful and caring manner an absolute and non-negotiable decree. As step parents in a step family, even-handed and fair treatment is vitally important, because step siblings notice id someone get preferential treatment or is not challenged when they refuse to follow household rules.

Love

Step parents in a blended family often feel they ought to love their step kids in the same way they love their own. It is usually easier and a lot more genuine, to love someone for whom they really are and not just because you think you should.  Remember, you choose your new spouse, and if those step kids seem very un-loveable at times, then love them through your spouse. For more information on how to manage a blended family, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Blended family life hardly ever lives up to expectations

Letting go of past experiences and expectations is a must for a blended family life to thrive. It might be that your partner is not as patient with the kids as your ex was, and perhaps not as contented as your ex had always been with your particular style of intimacy. Maybe your previous home had a nicer yard, more storage space, or nicer neighbors. Sometimes you might find yourself annoyed at how your step kids behave. 

Let go

As a step parent, you have to give before you can ever expect to receive; as a spouse, you give love to get love, and share joy to feel joy. You can only do these things when you are open and receptive to the present. Focus on the gift of your remarriage; on your small successes in bonding with step kids; on the progress step siblings are making to form your blended family with you. Let the past go.

Now is now

Think about it. Why would you want, or expect, your blended family to be a mirror of your previous family relationship? Your new step family is a blend of familiar and unfamiliar, new choices and old habits, and a colorful collage of step moms and step dads, step kids and step siblings, step grandparents, all struggling with their own wants and expectations based on their own past experiences in their outdated family unit. Make it a blended family goal to separate the past from the present.

Take a fresh look

Try to help all your kids find harmony as step siblings, and encourage new thinking, creative problem solving, cooperative negotiations, and unconditional acceptance. As step moms and step dad, help them to learn that tolerance is an important life skill. Step parents can practice looking at each other as totally new and different spouses, too!

Carpe diem

Appreciate the people in your blended family as if today might be your last chance to learn or love anything new about them. Every day, thank your spouse for joining you in this blended family you are building together.  When you practice letting go of past experiences and expectations, your blended family can create its own present. For more information on how to live up blended family expectations, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Blended family quality time

It’s difficult to find time for everyone in a blended family:  time for your kids, time for your spouse’s kids, time for your entire family, time for you, and time for you and your spouse.  It’s hard to know who to give priority. 

Research from The Blended and Step Family Resource Center shows that there is an easy answer to this, in order to have a successful blended family.  Your marriage should take priority in the family.  You and your spouse ought to schedule time to be together. 

Blended family quality time.

Date like when you were courting

Naturally, illness or an emergency are valid reasons to cancel every once in a while, but it is imperative that you preserve and enjoy quality time together. Time spent together minus kids and with no distractions, helps you maintain the necessary resilience and enthusiasm for managing your step family. And just as importantly, taking time to talk intimately and enjoy being together is vital to a meaningful and mutually satisfying relationship.

Hint: If you find yourself cancelling dates with your spouse too often, try paying the sitter a monthly salary for date nights. This will keep the sitter booked and available, plus give you added incentive for keeping your date!

Your relationship as step mom and step dad

Probably fewer of us expected to become a step parent. If we had, maybe we would be more prepared! When we remember that our children were even less prepared to become members of a blended family, it does help us hold on to sufficient empathy for their feelings. Step parents must show a united front, displaying unwavering commitment to the step family as a unit. When you disagree, do it in private. This not only gives each of you ample opportunity to be heard and understood by the other, but also keeps step siblings from taking sides and spreading your disagreement over the entire step family.

Kids need quality time with their parents

Blended family time, blended family goals, blended family fun, and blended family memories: These are all important and wonderful. Sometimes, though, step kids and step siblings need a break from being step anything, and need time with their biological family, along with undivided attention and unshared concern.

Quality time may mean different things to different members of your blended family, but when you consider that step parents and step kids all want and need love, attention, and acceptance, what defines quality maybe becomes a little clearer.  For more information on how to spend quality time in a blended family, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Set reasonable expectations of remarriage and you’re on your way to success!

When we think of marriage, and about family, what naturally comes to mind is whatever experience of marriage and family we have had. After a divorce, we hope that our remarriage will look and feel different in every way. We have great expectations, about the remarriage and about how well and how easily our blended family will come together.

Expectations of the remarriage

Whatever our previous experiences with marriage, we bring expectations that our new relationship with our spouses and in our new blended family will be more successful than our past relationships. We hope that our remarriage will prove to be better, of course, more loving, more caring, more fun.  And the children will certainly be much better off, and much happier now that we are both happier.  Beware! This is not an automatic outcome!

Looking ahead is better than looking back

If your previous partner was not appreciative of all the things you did around the house, do you expect your new spouse to be the same, or different? Do you expect to have to remind them about the same things, explain the same feeling and issues; do you anticipate arguments and skepticism over the same subjects? Over expectations can be disappointing, but under expectations can be much more damaging. Try to see your new partner as new.

Sharing expectations by communicating

Chances are pretty good that you did not marry a mind-reader. If you want your spouse to know something important about you, something that matters, you have to say it out loud.  Especially in a remarriage, we sometimes expect our new spouses already know we prefer serious greeting cards, or that we would rather eat dirt than visit for more than an hour with Aunt Harriet when it is a good day to be outside. It is really unfair for us to feel disappointed or misunderstood if our partner does not know we even have an issue with a certain situation!

Choosing to focus on your own primary relationship is not choosing your spouse over your kids. It is choosing to build a base upon which you can grow as parents and step parents, for the benefit of the entire blended family. Talk it over.  Communicate. For more information, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Setting reasonable expectations for blended family members ensures success

When we think about what a family is, whether it is a nuclear, single parent, extended, blended or step family, we have an ideal in mind. Realistically speaking, though, we know that few families attain ideal stature. This is not to say that we should have low expectations. We just need to try to have our expectations be realistic when it comes to how well and how easily our blended family comes together.

Expectations of the blended family
Expectations between spouses in a blended family need to be reasonable, mutual, and flexible.  It is a sad fact that almost a third of blended families fail, and some might suggest it is because of unreasonable expectations of what a remarriage will bring. It would be fair to say that most spouses hope it will be better,  of course, than their previous partnerships; certainly, more loving, more understanding, more supportive and more respectful.  And it would go without saying that most hope the children will be happier. 

When the children do not seem happy
As parents and step parents, it is important to remember that children of divorce and remarriage often continue to feel the loss of divorce long after one of their parents finds a new partner and for quite a while into a remarriage. You may have divorced your ex-spouse, but you children did not divorce anyone.   

Which expectations belong to whom?
When you share your own expectations with your blended family, things work out better than if you assume their expectations are the same as yours. It may be that your step kids cannot imagine calling you anything but your first name.  It may be that your new mother-in-law expects her child to talk over family matters with her before you even hear about them. It may be that you thought being a step parent would mean being a friend to the step kids. It may be that the step siblings think they should not have to share bedrooms or bathrooms or homework spaces. Blended families throw people together who already have their own traditions and rituals, and their own expectations.

Communicate, communicate, communicate!
Communicate to your step family members that blended family rules travel with you as a family.
When you visit your bio family for special occasions, explain to your step kids that they are now important members of your family, too, and you expect them to go with you to visit the rest of the blended family.  Also, it is a good idea to be sure step kids understand that there will be appropriate consequences for not being congenial and polite at blended family gatherings, extended family or otherwise.
Expectations can be a two-edged sword. If you do not keep expectations high enough, you are asking for disappointment. If you keep them too high, or do not let people know what they are, you are asking for disappointment. Be realistic, reasonable, and understanding. Let your blended family come to expect that! For more information, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

How to take Advantage of the Summer Vacation in Bonding Your Blended Family?

Blending you blended family during summer vacations can be a great way for everyone in your blended family to bond. Finding the right activities for you and your blended family is something that you should take advantage of specially during summer vacations. Today, we will list down some tips on how you can take advantage of the summer vacation in blending your blended family.

1. 
   Since summer vacation ensures that step dads and step moms see the kids more often, this is also a great time for step siblings to be with each other. Perfect timing is crucial if your blended family will have great and enjoyable activities. Although sleep is crucial for kids, staying late every once in a while can be of great advantage specially for your blended family activities.
2. Summer vacation is also a great way for a family meeting, this will bring up issues that your blended family can focus on. If you have house rules, revising some of them can be of great way of bonding with your step children.
3. You do not have to stay at home all summer long, you can enjoy summer vacations (if the budget permits) and summer activities. Have a picnic in the park, go shopping with the kids, this way you are able to bond with your step kids and them with their step siblings.

Whatever the case with your blended family is, summer vacation is a great time to bond with your new family. The Blended Family Resource Center is a great site, where you can learn some other blended family tips, that you can use in focusing on your step children and your biological children in a fair manner.  

Respectful, caring communication crucial for a blended family

Like conversations between you and your spouse, and you and your biological children, one of the most important rules for successful step family communications between step moms and step dads with their step kids, and among the step siblings, should be followed by everyone in the blended family:  keep it respectful and caring. The building and maintaining of your blended family requires attention to the needs of each member of the family, and faithful adherence to rules of respect is a good place to start.

House rules rule

When you establish blended family house rules, it is wise to hold a family meeting to discuss them. Everyone needs to understand the rules and agree to follow them, or accept that there will be consequences. One of the most important rules you can establish is that everyone behave respectfully toward each other. Once accepted, this arrangement of mutual respect is something everyone can feel comfortable with. As parents, you are both equally in charge. Bio kids and step kids abide by the same rules and expectations, whether they live full time with you or visit part-time.  When it comes to building a blended family that works, the very basic rule of everyone treating each other with respect can lessen the impact of many problems, and maybe avoid some of them altogether.

Rules are for everyone, including you
As hard as it is sometimes, as parents we must remember to be the step family adult. When your step kids or bio kids arrive from the homes of their other parent, they sometimes seem resentful of you and your house rules.  You feel like you are in a constant training mode with regard to behavior, and it is hard not to rant about the lack of discipline practiced by your ex- spouse or by your step kids’ other parent. You have to bite your tongue. Caring grownups understand that maneuvering between homes with different rules is hard on kids, and that they are not responsible for rules, or lack of them, at either home. Snapping or grousing, or angrily scolding, does little to convey your unconditional love or your sympathetic understanding. This behavior is also against the rules.

Active listening shows respectWhen you are busy and one of the kids asks a question or begins talking about something that is important to them at that moment, try to stop what you are doing for a minute to turn and listen. Active listening means that you look at the speaker; nod or smile to show you understand what they are telling you; interrupt to ask a question only for clarification, and never to hurry things along; then respond in such a way that they know you heard what they said and understood their meaning.

If you absolutely cannot interrupt your activity, say when you will be able to pay attention, and then meet that time frame. Both bio kids and step kids in your blended family will respect your word when you keep it, and you will show you mean it when you say you care about what they have to say.

If you want your step children and bio children to talk to you, you have to do your part, by listening. Building a successful blended family is hard work, and takes consistent following of the rules by everyone. Active listening shows respect.
For more information, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for guidance on managing your blended or step family.

Blended family success rests in strength of marriage

Being a part of a blended family is certainly not a walk in the park; it takes a lot of effort from all the family members to make it work. It takes hard work to get a blended family happy and functional.  A blended or step family is a complicated and sometimes chaotic construction: it involves moms and dads, step moms and step dads, brothers and sisters, step brothers and step sisters, in different combinations.

Blending your stepfamily
Basically, two different families become one, and it is a delicate process that will bring many emotions, attitudes and feelings to the surface. To make the transition to a blended family easier for every member of that family, here are some basic rules and guidelines to consider:

• Your marriage and the love you share with your new spouse is the glue that holds your blended family together. The reason why you started this new family, this new life, is because you fell in love with your spouse and you wanted to get married. So, value your marriage, invest time in your relationship and above all, keep all the communication lines open. Even if you are afraid of certain sensitive topics (you feel that your spouse spends more time with his or her kids than he does with you, or you are worried that he or she might not be able to become attached to your kids) you have to discuss them. Hiding your feelings will create pressure on your relationship, and that pressure will reflect negatively on your merging family.
• Give time to the kids (your kids and your spouse’s) to deal with the situation. Depending on their age, the transition to a blended family might be smooth or, on the contrary, bumpy.  Younger children usually accept and embrace the idea of a step mom, a step dad or step siblings. However, the transition is a little more complicated for blended families with teenager. Being a teenager is pretty confusing anyway, and having to deal with the whole blended family situation will put even more pressure on teenage kids. You need to show them empathy, love and support. Treat them as grownups: this means talking to them and explaining them that you deserve to be happy and in a loving, fulfilling relationship. Don’t give in to tantrums, menaces, blackmails or any other type of destructive behavior.
• Spend time as a family, and make time for each member of the stepfamily. It’s important to do things together, all of you, as a family: you and your spouse, your children and his or her children. But you also need to make sure that you spend enough time alone with your spouse, that you also allocate time for doing special things with your biological children and also for getting to know your step-kids better. Every member of your blended family needs to feel valued, loved and protected.

If you wonder who to spend the most time with, always focus on your spouse first. Make sure you connect with your spouse each day, and for an extended time on the weekend. If your marriage is not strong, then you will not have a strong blended family.

Check out the many resources at The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for help with managing your blended family.  If you need more extensive help, The Blended and Step Family Resource Center offers assistance in the form of counseling and coaching services to help blended and step families in adjusting to their new family setting.

Learn how to work together as a step family

Every new step family has a lot to work through and that’s no secret. The important part is that every one works together. Learning how to work together as a step family can be a huge challenge. The hard part for the kids is that they did not choose to be in this new blended family role, so they truly have no choice but to try and make it work. On the other hand, you as a step mom, step dad or as a biological parent have chosen this path for your child or children. It’s up to you and your new spouse to make this work and make sure everyone works together as a family.

Realize the work of blending a family together
Before you start telling your kids how easy this process is going to be; make sure you are honest about the entire process. In reality, you know how difficult this really could become. There are some instances where families just naturally blend together; however, there are other families that do not. Your job is not to worry about those other families, but instead focus on the task at hand with your family. Becoming a blended family means that you could possibly have step children or that your kids will have a step parent.

Make a plan to make this blended family process easier
Putting together a blended family is always different for each person. Everything should be as smooth as possible as you all work on this adventure together.  Never speak negatively about your ex in front of the children. Although you can’t control what happens at your ex- spouse’s house, you can control what you say about your ex to the children. 

Create a set of guidelines for your new family. These are guidelines that you and your spouse create together. You can disagree, as you develop these guidelines, but make sure the kids don’t see you disagree. Once your guidelines are created, with fair and equal treatment for all, then present them to your kids, as a united front- the two of you helping your children understand this new world of step family.

Put your marriage firstNo matter what kind of marriage you have it is important to put it first. Moms and dads need to feel as though they have a solid marriage before they can tackle large issues. When you stand as a united front, your household runs a lot smoother. During this process, you need to focus on your marriage, so that you may be the best parents possible. Learn how to work as a couple and then you can learn how to work as a blended family.   Spend dedicated time with your spouse each day, and some extended time together, at least once a week. The stronger you keep your marriage, the stronger your blended or step family will be.

If you need professional help with your blended family, The Blended and Step Family Resource Center is founded with the aim to help blended and stepfamilies become strong and successful. Avail of resources that can help you manage your blended family better including licensed professional counselors who offer coaching and counseling services.

How can you unite a blended family?

Blending a step family is hard, but there are ways to unite the family. One way is by creating guidelines. As much as we'd like to give our children everything they want, parents later on realize that there has to be a limit and playing favorites is something any parent should avoid. No one likes to say no to their children. But sometimes, a set of rules that will give them an idea that everyone is equal can make a huge difference to the mood and attitude in your home.

One misconception is that after remarriage, parents should loosen up a bit on their children when it comes to discipline. However, all parents should know that children need discipline and structure in their lives and only parents can help them have that. Pointing out what is right and wrong will have a huge effect on them as they grow older, and they will understand later on that you did all that because of love.

Of course, it is not always easy to implement the rules especially when you are a step parent. But, it is important to remember that even though you want to be the "cool" step parent and not the wicked witch, you are still a parent. Be responsible and guide your kids - biological or not - by letting them experience natural consequences for things they do. When you do remind them about the rules, be sure to let them know that you love them.

To make blending a family a success, all parents of blended families should always remember to focus on their marriage first. Although you want to spend time with the kids, partners should also give time for themselves. This will help both parents in keeping the family together and functioning properly. For more information, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Ways to meet expectations in a blended family

Blending a family together is hard work. There are expectations that everyone has when it comes to bringing two families together. You may have certain expectations for your new step kids or step parents and all of those feelings are normal. There are some things that take place inside a blended family that can only be described through experience and that is where learning to manage and meet the expectations of those in your newly created family is important.

Celebrating various holidays
Celebrating any kind of holiday in a remarriage can be difficult. The beauty behind celebrating a birthday or any other holiday is that it should be fun for everyone. It’s up to the biological parent to help make this possible in a remarriage. Your kids may not feel comfortable buying a birthday card for their new step mom or step dad. It’s your job to sit down and explain that it’s okay to feel a little awkward. You need to understand that it’s okay to guide them in the right direction. It may take some time to get used to celebrating holidays in your blended family, but it is something that can be done.

Your child is refusing to acknowledge the step parent
It is not uncommon for a child to not acknowledge a step parent. You may not understand why your child is acting this way, but there are some things you can do to help the situation. Sit down and talk to your children about honoring the new parent, especially on certain holidays. Respect should always be given and it’s never okay to be rude. It may take some time, but over time your child will build a special relationship with the new parenting situation.

Grandparents in the equation
It’s common for people to get remarried and leave out the grandparent aspect. This is a special part of a blended family because every situation is so different. In a perfect world, all grandparents would be equally accepting of all children. Nevertheless, there will always be situations that need work, especially in the grandparent department. In some situations, the grandparents just naturally blend into the occasion and on the other hand, some grandparents will need a little direction.

Making decisions as a couple
The bottom line of a blended family is that you and your spouse are making decisions as a couple. Listen to what each other has to say and make decisions from there. Whenever an unexpected expectation comes up, you can learn to simply deal with it. Use these tools to help you along the way. No blended family is perfect, but at least you have tools to help you get through the most difficult situations, like meeting expectations in a blended family.  For more information, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Avoiding blended family mistakes eases transition

There are always a million and one things you should do when you become a blended family. There are also several things you should not do whenever you enter remarriage. Learning the right things to do and the wrong things to do will help you become a better partnership. No one is perfect, but you should learn to be respectful of your new family members.

Do not pretend like nothing has changed

One of the worst things you can do whenever your family enters the step kids and step parent situation, is to pretend like nothing has happened. It is no secret that things have changed, but you should not try to make it a secret. There are obviously different family members in your home and you should acknowledge it and try to make the best of it.

Do not give your own children special attention

Whenever you agreed to become a blended family, you also agreed to take his or her kids as your own. Of course, those kids still have their biological parents, but that is no excuse for you to treat them differently than your own. Keep in mind that those kids are going to be watching you like a hawk. Kids are smart, and they will know if you are treating them like second-class citizens.

Do not treat everything as a competition

Competition is a natural part of life, but it should not be a natural part of being a step mom or step dad. Do not try and make life a competition between kids. For example, you do not want to rub it into your spouse’s face that your kid did better in school than his kid. Remember, you are supposed to be making your blended family as whole as possible. Ripping each other apart is not the way to go when you are trying to build a family structure.

Do not ignore your spouse

Family time is so important and that is why you do not want to only focus on the kids. Spend time with your spouse alone. Of course, you should spend time with your step children, but you should also go on dates two to four times a month. This will help make your remarriage go a lot smoother. Your kids will do better, when you and your spouse are thriving.

Do enjoy your time together as a family

As mentioned before, there are a lot of do’s and don’ts when it comes to blending a family together. Each family member is important in making sure this works out. The parents need time to themselves, but everyone needs to spend time together. Enjoy life and keep in mind that you all are capable of making this remarriage work. Follow these “do not” rules and watch your family flourish.

For more information, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center, for guidance on managing your blended or step family.

Why did my parent have to remarry and start a blended family?

Kids can’t understand divorce or remarriage, and they surely won’t understand why one or both of their parents have created a new blended family. You just can’t ignore the fact that your kids will be thrust into a step family and have no clue how to feel or act. Here are a few points to go over and things to say to your children. This should just be seen as a jumping off point, as your comments will vary depending on the ages of your children.

The kids did not cause the divorce

Even before you discuss your new blended family, make sure your kids know that your divorce from their other parent had absolutely nothing to do with causing it. Ensure your kids that they are loved by mom and dad just as much as before the divorce, and that you will always be there for them, no matter what.

Parents need companionship from other adults

Children are great, but they can’t replace the companionship we get from other adults. Kids enjoy being with people their own age, and it’s no different for adults. As a parent, I wouldn’t ask you to stay and hang out with me when you can be having fun with your friends. This is why dad has decided to enter remarriage, which means we will create a step family. Your new step parent doesn’t know you, just like you don’t know them. Talk to each other and learn what you have in common.

Liking your new step mom doesn’t mean you are betraying your mother

There is no competition between your biological mom and your step mom. You will forever have one set of biological parents and a step mom is just extra, in a good way. Your dad will be happier and he will become a better parent. It is perfectly fine to like your new step mom, and your biological mom wants you to have fun and enjoy your time with dad and your new step parent.

Who does dad love more, me or my step mom?

He loves you both immensely, just in different ways. The love a parent has for a child is nothing like the love he has for a step parent. When you grow up and make your own family, do you want dad moving in to hang out with you? Do you want him to come to your dorm (or your room, or the mall) and hang with you and your friends? Of course not, because just like him, you want to enjoy people your own age.

With your kids going through so many changes and emotions becoming a blended family, communication is the most important thing. Adult concerns and decisions should be kept private, but kids have to be made aware of upcoming changes, and what your expectations will be. Your blended family transition can be made easier as long as communication remains open, honest and straightforward.

If you need help with your blended family, The Blended and Step Family Resource Center, founded by Shirley Cress Dudley, is ready to assist you with its counseling and coaching services. Shirley is the author of the book Blended Family Advice, as well as other informative resources aimed at promoting strong and successful blended and stepfamilies. Get in touch with a licensed professional counselor today and let us help to provide you with answers.