Blended Family is Normal Nowadays

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Possibilities for a blended or step family to be normal

Blended family is becoming more and more usual nowadays. More step parents and new blended family partners as well are looking for helps and information from their challenges that they are undergoing. In the past, blended family relies on the normal nuclear family ways of running the system especially on how well they are doing. Due to the help of website who provide support for blended family, comparing the details between blended family and nuclear family is much easier.

Losses in the blended family

Normally, blended family evolves from a loss family that leads to remarriages. All people involved had experienced the loss of their nuclear family. The feelings they possess now it what will happen to them and why they deserve such situation to happen on them. This is the instability results from their loss.

Gains in your step family

The widowed or divorced parents who normally find someone who they can share their life are somewhat fortunate. There are many possibilities from this kind of situations where they begin again to fall in love and making plans for a future just like the first time they did. A blended family is however involves family combinations from the remarriages of the parents and step parents wherein they consider it as an advantage for their kids.

If you need help for your step kids or looking for information about blended family advice, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Step Mother and Father are either superheroes or Villains in Blended Family

You are constantly being judged by the step kids of your spouse, by the relatives and friends who knew the ex-spouse if you’re a step parent in the blended family. The main reason is the main category of which you fall based from the scrutiny, the evil step mother and all that implies from it.

Ignore what you cannot change

Bear in mind if relatives and former friends of ex-spouse insist on finding you unsuitable from all you can execute in order to keep on being who you are and hope they will come around sooner or later. Face it that you are not oblige to endorse as a good step mother or father since you just simply take comfort in the strong relationship that you and your spouse have come together.

Blended family relationships that matters

Happily, young children tend to be flexible regarding whom they love and why, but adolescents are apt to be prickly at best and can be downright hateful at their worst. As a step parent, after those with your spouse and biological children, the relationships that matter are the ones you establish with your step kids. Several step children are just not expecting to like you or your presence in their lives very much, so your work is cut out for you.

If you want to know more of the details and looking for information about blended family, you can do so by heading to The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Co-parenting and joint custody in an extended blended family

A blended family has more members than we sometimes acknowledge, so it may be helpful now and then to take a renewed look at your extended family structure. A successful blended family makes accommodations with an ex-spouse and his or her new partner, and understanding how much they impact kids who spend time at their home in a joint custody arrangement.

Making co-parenting and joint custody work

An amicable co-parenting and joint custody partnership with your ex-spouse is one of the most important relationships you can cultivate. When both parents set aside their own personal issues and put them first, children gain a kind of stability and self-worth that is hard to match.

Co-parenting after a divorce and marriage

After your divorce and remarriage, the only relationship you have with your ex-spouse is that of co-parents of your children. It can help to begin thinking of the relationship as something completely new, something quite outside of you and your ex-spouse.

Co-parenting is the best option for your children

When you and your ex-spouse work together in cooperation for their benefit, your kids see that they are more important than whatever conflict ended the marriage. They can understand that your love for them will prevail, no matter what.

If your ex-spouse has also remarried

You deserve and expect consideration and respect for your role as a step parent to the biological children of your new blended family partner. Likewise, your consideration and respect for your ex-spouse’s new partner is called for, as well.

Enlist your partner’s help

Co-parenting with someone you wish you never had to see again is not easy, and it can sometimes take its toll in tension and exasperation. Keep personal issues with your ex-spouse away from your children and never, ever say negative things to them about your ex.

For more information on how to keep and strengthen your blended family, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Blended family couples struggle against the odds

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Blended family success rates are struggling to keep up with the failure rates. Second marriages end in divorce at an higher rate than first marriages do. How can we avoid repeating the same disillusionment and pain? These tips may help you and your blended family partner keep from falling into those couple traps that lead to poor relationship dynamics.

Give your relationship the respect it deserves. If you think that shifting your main focus away from your spouse and onto the children will help the situation, you do everyone a disservice. Your strong relationship is the glue that keeps your blended family together. Work together in a conscious effort to build a relationship of mutual respect and understanding.

Be safe. No matter what one person says in anger, you both agree that your marriage and your relationship will stay secure. If one of you is hesitant to speak their mind for fear of reaction or threats of divorce, your safety zone has been breached.

Fight fair. The first rule of fair fighting is, of course, no physical violence-ever. The second rule is, fight only about the subject at hand, without dragging out other complaints, too. Keeping things as cool as possible is always a good goal, and throwing new and old issues around like darts is never cool.

Forget about the small stuff. Learn how to distinguish between big problems and little ones. In the category of big problems you will tend to see things like health, financial security, welfare of the children, fidelity, and such.

Life has stress and strains, and so what? If you wish to know more about keeping it together as a blended family couple, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Set reasonable expectations of remarriage and you’re on your way to success!

When we think of marriage, and about family, what naturally comes to mind is whatever experience of marriage and family we have had. After a divorce, we hope that our remarriage will look and feel different in every way. We have great expectations, about the remarriage and about how well and how easily our blended family will come together.

Expectations of the remarriage

Whatever our previous experiences with marriage, we bring expectations that our new relationship with our spouses and in our new blended family will be more successful than our past relationships. We hope that our remarriage will prove to be better, of course, more loving, more caring, more fun.  And the children will certainly be much better off, and much happier now that we are both happier.  Beware! This is not an automatic outcome!

Looking ahead is better than looking back

If your previous partner was not appreciative of all the things you did around the house, do you expect your new spouse to be the same, or different? Do you expect to have to remind them about the same things, explain the same feeling and issues; do you anticipate arguments and skepticism over the same subjects? Over expectations can be disappointing, but under expectations can be much more damaging. Try to see your new partner as new.

Sharing expectations by communicating

Chances are pretty good that you did not marry a mind-reader. If you want your spouse to know something important about you, something that matters, you have to say it out loud.  Especially in a remarriage, we sometimes expect our new spouses already know we prefer serious greeting cards, or that we would rather eat dirt than visit for more than an hour with Aunt Harriet when it is a good day to be outside. It is really unfair for us to feel disappointed or misunderstood if our partner does not know we even have an issue with a certain situation!

Choosing to focus on your own primary relationship is not choosing your spouse over your kids. It is choosing to build a base upon which you can grow as parents and step parents, for the benefit of the entire blended family. Talk it over.  Communicate. For more information, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Setting reasonable expectations for blended family members ensures success

When we think about what a family is, whether it is a nuclear, single parent, extended, blended or step family, we have an ideal in mind. Realistically speaking, though, we know that few families attain ideal stature. This is not to say that we should have low expectations. We just need to try to have our expectations be realistic when it comes to how well and how easily our blended family comes together.

Expectations of the blended family
Expectations between spouses in a blended family need to be reasonable, mutual, and flexible.  It is a sad fact that almost a third of blended families fail, and some might suggest it is because of unreasonable expectations of what a remarriage will bring. It would be fair to say that most spouses hope it will be better,  of course, than their previous partnerships; certainly, more loving, more understanding, more supportive and more respectful.  And it would go without saying that most hope the children will be happier. 

When the children do not seem happy
As parents and step parents, it is important to remember that children of divorce and remarriage often continue to feel the loss of divorce long after one of their parents finds a new partner and for quite a while into a remarriage. You may have divorced your ex-spouse, but you children did not divorce anyone.   

Which expectations belong to whom?
When you share your own expectations with your blended family, things work out better than if you assume their expectations are the same as yours. It may be that your step kids cannot imagine calling you anything but your first name.  It may be that your new mother-in-law expects her child to talk over family matters with her before you even hear about them. It may be that you thought being a step parent would mean being a friend to the step kids. It may be that the step siblings think they should not have to share bedrooms or bathrooms or homework spaces. Blended families throw people together who already have their own traditions and rituals, and their own expectations.

Communicate, communicate, communicate!
Communicate to your step family members that blended family rules travel with you as a family.
When you visit your bio family for special occasions, explain to your step kids that they are now important members of your family, too, and you expect them to go with you to visit the rest of the blended family.  Also, it is a good idea to be sure step kids understand that there will be appropriate consequences for not being congenial and polite at blended family gatherings, extended family or otherwise.
Expectations can be a two-edged sword. If you do not keep expectations high enough, you are asking for disappointment. If you keep them too high, or do not let people know what they are, you are asking for disappointment. Be realistic, reasonable, and understanding. Let your blended family come to expect that! For more information, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

How to handle visits in a blended family home

Visitation between parents can be confusing for children at times. Is it time to go to mom’s house or dad’s house?  Kids may get confused, but parents can make this process easier or more difficult for the child who is going from one home to the other. Here are some tips on how to make the experience easier for everyone.

Keep out the negative talk

There is nothing worse than speaking negatively about your ex-spouse in front of the children. You might think that it will help everyone feel better in the long run, but speaking negatively about anyone can cause some major confusion. Your child has been through enough, and he or she should not have to choose sides.

Always speak positively about your ex- spouse to your child. You can be honest too, though. You can say that even though you and the other parent don’t agree on everything, you can agree that you love your children.

Stick to the visitation plan
Visitation plans are put into place for a reason after divorce. While it may be hard at times, you have to stick to your written agreements regarding visitations. Both parents should allow some flexibility in the plan whenever possible. Blended families can become very complicated and it’s important to stay organized throughout this process.

Talk with your child
It’s no secret that your child will be traveling to and from two different homes. Try to make it as easy as possible on the child by expressing the expectations you have with them. Be as positive as you can while you are talking with your child. Also tell them you are proud of them and always keep the lines of communication open. The more open you are with your child, then the more the child will come and talk to you about issues. Always make time to talk to your child, one on one, and check to see how he is doing.

Never use the child to spread a message
It seems easier to tell your child to pass along a message to your ex-spouse, but in reality it’s a very messy process. Communication through the child means that the parents get out of the habit of talking to each other. It puts the child in an awkward position, and it’s something that will weigh heavy on the child. Make it clear that although mom and dad are in two different homes, one thing will never change: your love for them.

Visits take time to get used to
Whatever part of the visitation process you are in, always keep things positive. Remarriage is hard on everyone, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Follow these visitation tips and you can have successful visits with your children.

For more information about blended families and visitation, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.