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Visitation arrangements are settled during separation or divorce, and both parties agree to abide by them. You and your new spouse know that building your blended family is easier when you take care of your own relationship. Likewise, when you and your ex-spouse can agree that what is best for the children shall be the keystone of your co-parenting arrangement, the kids will be freed from constant wrangling and court appearances.
Getting along with your ex-spouse
With a divorce and remarriage in
their recent experience, kids need to know they can really rely on you two getting
along well enough to be parents; otherwise it can be really difficult for them
to feel safe and secure, or trust that you will do right by them. Children
often feel responsible when parents divorce, and having them fight about
custody and visitation matters reinforces that belief.
Communication with your ex-spouse
Cooperative or not, you will
always have to communicate with your ex-spouse about your children. When you
do, regardless of whether he or she is cooperative or not, here are some
guidelines for communication.
@Stay on message
@Stay cool
@Stay away from
finger pointing and old arguments
@Keep going back
to your point if the subject gets changed
@Keep it about
the kids, and only the kids
@Keep it between
the two of you; never ask kids to carry messages
In order of preference, the means
of communicating with an ex-spouse is by email, texting, voice mail, telephone
conversation, and only if all else fails, with a personal meeting. When you
have a parental issue to handle, an email offers you the best opportunity to set
the right wording and tone.
Make visitation work
If you remember that spending
time with their other parent is for and about the children, not an
accommodation to your ex-spouse, hassles and scheduling snafus take on less
inconvenience and annoyance. Encourage your kids to have a great time and enjoy
being with their other parent. Send no messages via the children. Have them
ready for pick up if that is the arrangement, and make sure you are ready to
receive them when they are dropped back home.
Your primary relationship