Reasonable Efforts for Step Moms in Blended Family

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Most challenging jobs that women can have might be becoming a step mom. One of the people who is primarily responsible for managing the home is the blended family mother, which maintaining a loving relationship with her husband besides from looking after the step kids as well as her own biological children. Furthermore, she is also holding down an outside job. Therefore, she is in charge of everyone’s happiness.

Your ex-husband thinks threatened by the presence of your new husband in the life of his kids, and even in your life.  Both your step kids and your bio kids are battling in order to deal with their own feelings of their confusion, loss, and with the new step family dynamic. Becoming step siblings does not come naturally to either set of kids, and anger and resentment may be the only thing they have in mutual. Your in-laws, both present and past, are worried what your remarriage might mean regarding how often they get to see their grandkids, and how welcome they will be in the new step family setting.

There are many things included in the blended family that most step kids are having difficulties of. They normally suffer from their loss greatly and need guidance from their parents. Therefore, the love from your husband and remarriage will help you blended family to succeed and prosper. If you still don’t know where to begin, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for more information.

Help Your Entire Blended Family by Putting Marriage First

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Nothing couldn’t handle together when you and your new love merged two families and understand the challenges that came with blended family. There are lots of eventualities that you want to come to fruition such as seeing your kids become friends as well as the step siblings. Ex-spouses would eventually see their step parents.

The step parents usually having a hard time with the truth that the ex-family is there to stay with its love one.  While they had doubted the presence of children, they really had no idea just how intrusive contact with the ex-spouse would feel. When both partners bring children to the blended family mix, intrusions and the resulting conflicting loyalties are doubled. Cementing a remarriage relationship becomes more difficult when it entails children from a first family. A blended family spouse without biological children must addressed contact, often daily contact, with his or her previous family. Furthermore, daily telephone calls and weekend visits with the kids, or having them live with you, are a continuous reminder of the ongoing commitment, as are usual and sometimes emotional phone calls from the ex-spouse done by your love one.

There are many things involved in a blended family and if you need blended family advice for your new family, you can consider visiting the website of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center. There are lots of things that might be going to your head regarding your step family.

Challenges Comes with Step Parenting in a Blended Family

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Love has something more when you love again since it includes more children to your family as a mix. You are surely interested about building new blended family but having doubt about your role as a step parent if you will be doing great as well as acceptance from the step kids. Although parents have a wonderful role, it also includes ups and downs in the process. Blending two families can be difficult but you can make it as long as you have built a loving and caring relationship with your step kids.

It can be intimidating sometimes when it comes to raising a child that is not biologically from you. Being a step parent, you might as well encounter the feeling of being an outsider. You may come across questioning yourself also about your confidence and competence when it comes to the step parent role. Most of the step kids may consider you as the reason why their parent will not be back together again and also being jealous to the time their parent spent with you. You and your step family will actually wonder if all things will get better with such setup. The ex-spouse of your new partner might as well be worries about your way on treating the children especially when it comes to the influence to their children. So if you want to understand more of the details about step parenting, consider visiting The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for more valuable info.

About Making Blended Family Successful in a Relationship

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In the life of the newlywed couples without children, life can be easier to tackle. However, in the blended family with children, it is quite hard due to the demands of their children to spend time in order to build the great relationship needed for it to succeed. Balancing the time and energy between the children and their new spouse is considered to be difficult when it comes to the survival of their blended family.

It is clear that a newly blended family with a young child might demand an unparalleled attention to the parents especially since they or it is undergoing to the setting. The child normally felt that with the new step parent, it may consider her or his self-abandoned. Also, the attention to the step siblings can also be threatening when attempting to create a caring and loving relationship with the kids or step kids. Therefore, it is hard to balance the desires of the not so happy child as well as the obligations and joys from the new blended family. It is necessary on this part that you and your partner must make a move to protect your marriage especially that the blended family relationship is being back burner.

If you don’t know how or where to begin, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center to obtain the necessary advice to make your step family succeed in this kind of battles or journey. Remember that having blended family is different from the conventional family.

Birthdays and Special Holidays Arrangements in Blended Family

You and your ex-spouse may agree to the parenting arrangement that covers your kids in terms of their birthdays and holidays. This is a great decision since you have a plan for your kids and without having such plan will surely results to disappointments from your kids or arguments to your ex-spouse.

Conflict-free celebration is one of the best gifts that you can give to your kids when it comes to celebrating special days with them. You might as well want to consider about adjustments to the plan every time it is needed and not sticking to the old one. In essence, do not take it personally when your kids wanted to celebrate holidays with your ex-spouse. Think about the benefits of the kids from it even if the day is actually scheduled for you. Therefore, it is important to consider celebrating with them at another time that is parallel like such situation.

If you remember the days when living as one family, it is more necessary to perform more planning with step family when you compared. It is essential to communicate often with your kids and to your ex-spouse to avoid disappointments because timetables that are unworkable or misunderstood may cause more problems.

If you want to know more information about blended family and celebrating birthdays or holidays with your kids, you can visit the Blended and Step Family Resource Center. You can also check the advice offered at the website that will surely be useful for your situations.

Married Partners in Blended Family Can Date

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About dating your spouse in your blended family

If you think about when you were courting your spouse about the excitement together, discussions on everything and planning and learning things from your partner as well as the effort done is not a strange thing to consider when dating your spouse. You have to put more effort as a couple especially if you are married with kids and step kids.

It is important to set aside time with your blended family no matter how busy you are or how much attention needed to be given to your step family just to maintain the harmonious relationship. This is useful since the better the relationship you have with your step family, the better and easier for you to manage the challenges that may arise in a blended family. It is not just a success for you but also for the kids since they knew how to have a successful relationship even if there are challenges being faced. This is vital as well especially to the blended family children since most of them felt loss due to the failures of adult relationships. So always consider time as one of the best option to make your relationship stronger when it comes to managing your step family.

If you are in need of more details about blended family advice, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center. You’ll find lots of solutions and information about having blended family.

Getting Blended Family Ready for New Traditions on Holidays

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Blended Family holidays

If you and your new spouse are going to spend the first holiday season together, then congratulations! Normally, this kind of gatherings helps the family to give it a special meaning and to strengthen the bond. It is a good time to consider doing the traditional holiday you’ve been doing before with your new blended family. However, there are some who consider holidays as a conflict and time to hurt feelings. But giving priority to your blended family is a best step to do and makes the step meaningful for you and to them.

Old and new traditions are an important

Being a parent of you own kids, you know how important holidays that are traditionally done by you and them and this is more important when it comes to your new blended family. As their new step parent, you are happy to share your tradition with holidays but you might want to consider also the side of your step kids on their thoughts about holidays. The best way to make it a meaningful and efficient to improve the bonds of the blended family is to let the step kids share their thoughts as well. This will make the holiday celebration not just happy but improves the closeness of your biological kids with their step brothers or step sisters.

Should you need more details about celebrating holidays with blended family, consider asking for advice to The Blended and Step Family Resource Center. This way, your step family and your own family will have a happy time together.

Blended Family is Normal Nowadays

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Possibilities for a blended or step family to be normal

Blended family is becoming more and more usual nowadays. More step parents and new blended family partners as well are looking for helps and information from their challenges that they are undergoing. In the past, blended family relies on the normal nuclear family ways of running the system especially on how well they are doing. Due to the help of website who provide support for blended family, comparing the details between blended family and nuclear family is much easier.

Losses in the blended family

Normally, blended family evolves from a loss family that leads to remarriages. All people involved had experienced the loss of their nuclear family. The feelings they possess now it what will happen to them and why they deserve such situation to happen on them. This is the instability results from their loss.

Gains in your step family

The widowed or divorced parents who normally find someone who they can share their life are somewhat fortunate. There are many possibilities from this kind of situations where they begin again to fall in love and making plans for a future just like the first time they did. A blended family is however involves family combinations from the remarriages of the parents and step parents wherein they consider it as an advantage for their kids.

If you need help for your step kids or looking for information about blended family advice, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Investing Communication for Relationship of Blended Family

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The odds are against the blended family especially if you and your wife has been married and then divorced with children. In the US, the rates of divorces are about 45 percent for first marriages, which is frightening enough. The divorce rate for a blended family is over 60 percent up to 70 percent for third marriage blended families.

How to avoid being included to those percentages? First you must understand that relationship needs effort and time. It is easy to take your partner but the one you cherish and love for granted. As time goes by, you forget to appreciate the things that were once special. You forget to take effort and time to do the little things he or she loved for you to do. You forgot to have sex as often and even let it become a routine event for both of you. You stop being grateful for everyday that you are both together. Making sure your relationship gets the care it deserves is vital to both of you especially for stressors of blended family life.

Communication is key in a step family

Why there are things that make the relationship fail, without having communications will make the situation more badly. The problem with blended family relationships is that they both believe they have been there and seen the disasters. Therefore, having communication with your spouse is important to make things work well. If you need more advice, you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Communications Guidance with Ex-Spouse for Blended Family

Are experience difficulties talking with your ex-spouse about your kids? Does it end up into an argument each time you talk about it? Here are few suggestions for who, what, where, when and how to communicate with your ex-spouse effectively.

Who

Your current spouse and mate should always have primary communication and discuss about your spouse first.

What

The only thing you need to consider why you talk or communicate with your ex-spouse is because of the children and none other.

When

Speak with your ex-spouse if it is urgent related such as illness or trauma, but needs to have focus while talking with one another or should we say in the state of mind.

Where

There is no need for a meet ups when you need to talk with your ex-spouse, but in some cases, you can select a place where both of you have the neutral side where discussion can be done effectively.

How

Talking with your ex-spouse regarding the kids is acceptable, however consider emails or phone first before any other method if it is effective.

Why

You need to maintain a working relationship with your ex-spouse with some limitations and only for the purpose of cases involving the kids.

Being a parent is tough in a blended family but if you focus your mind and stay on the right track, it will be a lot easier. Just keep in mind that you always do the right thing for the kids.

Step Mother and Father are either superheroes or Villains in Blended Family

You are constantly being judged by the step kids of your spouse, by the relatives and friends who knew the ex-spouse if you’re a step parent in the blended family. The main reason is the main category of which you fall based from the scrutiny, the evil step mother and all that implies from it.

Ignore what you cannot change

Bear in mind if relatives and former friends of ex-spouse insist on finding you unsuitable from all you can execute in order to keep on being who you are and hope they will come around sooner or later. Face it that you are not oblige to endorse as a good step mother or father since you just simply take comfort in the strong relationship that you and your spouse have come together.

Blended family relationships that matters

Happily, young children tend to be flexible regarding whom they love and why, but adolescents are apt to be prickly at best and can be downright hateful at their worst. As a step parent, after those with your spouse and biological children, the relationships that matter are the ones you establish with your step kids. Several step children are just not expecting to like you or your presence in their lives very much, so your work is cut out for you.

If you want to know more of the details and looking for information about blended family, you can do so by heading to The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Blended Family’s Differences may become Conflict

You might have given up expecting your new blended family to be same as your previous one. There are lots of differences between the two families. Generally speaking, a new couple sets off on a new life together in nuclear family with supports of friends and love ones.

When a child is born, the couples learn to care for, love and appreciate the child. They also start to redefine each other, moving from partners and lovers to co-parents accepting these relationship changes as they come along simply in a part of the way family life is and ought to be. Also, having children makes the relationship much deeper.

Look at your blended family as unique

The new blended couples make it hard to establish a home together due to the nuclear family. By the time that the new blended family couples establishes a home together, and then have been through many loss, legal battles and heartbreak. Therefore, they are being provoked by experiences in the past. They also suffer usually from recrimination from love ones and friends. So having a blended family is something unique and differs from one couple to another.

Should you be experiencing the same as what have been mentioned here, you can contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center or you can visit them to find out more about having and keeping your blended family efficiently. You can also check the other offers they provide for blended family or step kids related concerns.

Setting Boundaries with Blended Family is needed for Ex-spouses

Setting boundaries to protect the autonomy of the remarriage is essential while extending the blended family into a working relationship with an ex-spouse. There are some instances where ex-spouse steps across the lines of divorce or remarriage. Whether the reason is to increase the old ties or having hard time redefining a post-divorce relationship, it can be considered as an intrusion to the new blended family life of the person. Therefore, you need to know what you can do, what should you do and how you can determine the okay and not okay situations.

What is appropriate contact between ex-spouses?

It is always appropriate to have a communication for kids when it comes to the partner and his or her ex-spouse if they have children together. Co-parenting takes cooperative collaboration and communications in order to make parents effective is crucial. There are some instances that ex-spouses have business together or share other properties. Whatever the reason it may be, accepting and supporting the necessary communication is essential for your blended family partner. If there is no reason for remaining ties, then having a continued contact is not necessary for the ex-spouses.

Having text, call or emails daily with the ex-spouse can be defined as not having the essence of divorce since it will lead to not able to letting go of the relationship. If you want to know more of the details about blended family, then you can visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center to get the best advice.

Dealing with the other parent of your step kids

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What do you do if the other parent of your step kids resists your best efforts to get along? Like it or not, if your spouse has children with another partner, you and the ex-spouse are linked.  While it may not always work smoothly, or even pleasantly, your step kids will always connect you and the ex-spouse in-law. A positive and cooperative relationship will benefit your step kids and your entire blended family. So, what do you do if your attempts are rejected? Keep trying!

Relationship goals to avoid

 Do you envision yourself as counselor or mediator between your partner and their ex-spouse, or between your step kids and their other parent? Please forget about helping any of them work through their issues. Immediately. No matter what you do or say, the more you try to help, the more you risk overstepping your bounds. As limiting as it sounds, communication between you and the other parent of your step kids should focus on logistics like scheduling visitation and parent-teacher appointments. Please do make an effort to make all interchanges cordial and cooperative, because that is what is in the best interests of your blended family, but beyond that, keep the relationship strictly focused on the step kids.

Rules of engagement

If talking on the telephone with your spouse’s ex (or even with your own ex-spouse) often escalates into a shouting match, develop the art of controlled exchange. If necessary, keep a note to yourself next to the phone to help keep things under control. The note might contain hints such as:

1. Smile
2. Use conversational voice
3. Listen
4. Stay on subject, use control phrases
5. Stay cool
6. Stay within boundaries
7. Repeat resolution reached or arrangements made
8. Polite good bye

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You might try the following control phrases if things escalate: I am sorry you are upset. Let’s get back to the kids. I understand what you are saying. If tempers flare and they begin to shout, say something to the effect that the conversation has stopped being useful and you will have to hang up if they do not stop shouting. 

Mutual respect

Just as members of your blended family treat each other in a respectful manner, you are obligated to treat the other parent of your step kids respectfully, as well. And while you have absolutely no control over how they treat you, you do have control over your own behavior. 

As always, when parents and step parents communicate about their children, it is important to lay aside personal issues and focus on the best interests of the blended family children. As well, it is also important for you and your spouse to stay focused on each other and your own relationship, which is at the center of your blended family unit. For more information, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Visitation agreements not all they are cracked up to be

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Visitation arrangements are settled during separation or divorce, and both parties agree to abide by them. You and your new spouse know that building your blended family is easier when you take care of your own relationship. Likewise, when you and your ex-spouse can agree that what is best for the children shall be the keystone of your co-parenting arrangement, the kids will be freed from constant wrangling and court appearances.

Getting along with your ex-spouse

With a divorce and remarriage in their recent experience, kids need to know they can really rely on you two getting along well enough to be parents; otherwise it can be really difficult for them to feel safe and secure, or trust that you will do right by them. Children often feel responsible when parents divorce, and having them fight about custody and visitation matters reinforces that belief.

Communication with your ex-spouse

Cooperative or not, you will always have to communicate with your ex-spouse about your children. When you do, regardless of whether he or she is cooperative or not, here are some guidelines for communication.

@Stay on message

@Stay cool

@Stay away from finger pointing and old arguments

@Keep going back to your point if the subject gets changed

@Keep it about the kids, and only the kids

@Keep it between the two of you; never ask kids to carry messages

In order of preference, the means of communicating with an ex-spouse is by email, texting, voice mail, telephone conversation, and only if all else fails, with a personal meeting. When you have a parental issue to handle, an email offers you the best opportunity to set the right wording and tone.

Make visitation work

If you remember that spending time with their other parent is for and about the children, not an accommodation to your ex-spouse, hassles and scheduling snafus take on less inconvenience and annoyance. Encourage your kids to have a great time and enjoy being with their other parent. Send no messages via the children. Have them ready for pick up if that is the arrangement, and make sure you are ready to receive them when they are dropped back home.

Your primary relationship

While it is important to have a good relationship with your ex-spouse, be sure to put your major efforts into your primary relationship: the one with your new spouse and the blended family you are building together. Visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for more information on how to make visitation agreements work.

Co-parenting and joint custody in an extended blended family

A blended family has more members than we sometimes acknowledge, so it may be helpful now and then to take a renewed look at your extended family structure. A successful blended family makes accommodations with an ex-spouse and his or her new partner, and understanding how much they impact kids who spend time at their home in a joint custody arrangement.

Making co-parenting and joint custody work

An amicable co-parenting and joint custody partnership with your ex-spouse is one of the most important relationships you can cultivate. When both parents set aside their own personal issues and put them first, children gain a kind of stability and self-worth that is hard to match.

Co-parenting after a divorce and marriage

After your divorce and remarriage, the only relationship you have with your ex-spouse is that of co-parents of your children. It can help to begin thinking of the relationship as something completely new, something quite outside of you and your ex-spouse.

Co-parenting is the best option for your children

When you and your ex-spouse work together in cooperation for their benefit, your kids see that they are more important than whatever conflict ended the marriage. They can understand that your love for them will prevail, no matter what.

If your ex-spouse has also remarried

You deserve and expect consideration and respect for your role as a step parent to the biological children of your new blended family partner. Likewise, your consideration and respect for your ex-spouse’s new partner is called for, as well.

Enlist your partner’s help

Co-parenting with someone you wish you never had to see again is not easy, and it can sometimes take its toll in tension and exasperation. Keep personal issues with your ex-spouse away from your children and never, ever say negative things to them about your ex.

For more information on how to keep and strengthen your blended family, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Blended family couples struggle against the odds

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Blended family success rates are struggling to keep up with the failure rates. Second marriages end in divorce at an higher rate than first marriages do. How can we avoid repeating the same disillusionment and pain? These tips may help you and your blended family partner keep from falling into those couple traps that lead to poor relationship dynamics.

Give your relationship the respect it deserves. If you think that shifting your main focus away from your spouse and onto the children will help the situation, you do everyone a disservice. Your strong relationship is the glue that keeps your blended family together. Work together in a conscious effort to build a relationship of mutual respect and understanding.

Be safe. No matter what one person says in anger, you both agree that your marriage and your relationship will stay secure. If one of you is hesitant to speak their mind for fear of reaction or threats of divorce, your safety zone has been breached.

Fight fair. The first rule of fair fighting is, of course, no physical violence-ever. The second rule is, fight only about the subject at hand, without dragging out other complaints, too. Keeping things as cool as possible is always a good goal, and throwing new and old issues around like darts is never cool.

Forget about the small stuff. Learn how to distinguish between big problems and little ones. In the category of big problems you will tend to see things like health, financial security, welfare of the children, fidelity, and such.

Life has stress and strains, and so what? If you wish to know more about keeping it together as a blended family couple, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Blended family life not so easy for kids of divorce

Consider how it must feel to suddenly be informed of remarriage plans, and to be told they will become part of a whole new family, a blended family! If their new blended family includes step siblings, consider how life- changing that situation feels!


Remarriage plans?
If you and your partner are contemplating remarriage and the formation of a blended family, make this change a gradual undertaking the children and feel safe with. A divorced parent newly in love generally feels very blessed to have found love again, and can get upset with a child who acts out or tries to sabotage the new relationship. If this describes your situation:

• Remember that although you have fallen in love with this new and wonderful person, your child has not.
• Be patient, be considerate, and remain committed to making it work out for everyone concerned.
• Take your time, make plans, and talk with your new partner about parenting, and how you see the roles of step parents and step kids in your future blended family.
• Decide how much authority each of you will have over step kids, how you will handle visitation, ex-spouses, and ex in-laws.
• Discuss how you will handle blended family finances, who will stay home from work with a sick child, where you will spend the holidays.

Blended family already in the works?

As anxious as you are to be good and beloved step parents, try not to force acceptance or affection of your new partner. Children can, and often do, form extremely close relationships with step parents, but they do it in their own time. Building a blended family is a slow process. To help kids manage, make sure that:

• you make plenty of opportunities to be with your child without your partner being there all the time
• you do not force your child to accept your partner as a replacement parent
• you encourage and facilitate regular contact between your child and his other parent
• you and your partner always speak well of your ex-spouses, at least in from of the kids
• you allow step siblings time to bond, without rushing them
• you and your partner establish clear and consistent boundaries of behavior   

As step parents, the best thing you can do for your kids is to maintain a strong relationship with each other. Your stability will provide security and a base from which they can feel safe enough to invest in their own step family relationships.For more questions regarding blended family relationships, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Blended family life hardly ever lives up to expectations

Letting go of past experiences and expectations is a must for a blended family life to thrive. It might be that your partner is not as patient with the kids as your ex was, and perhaps not as contented as your ex had always been with your particular style of intimacy. Maybe your previous home had a nicer yard, more storage space, or nicer neighbors. Sometimes you might find yourself annoyed at how your step kids behave. 

Let go

As a step parent, you have to give before you can ever expect to receive; as a spouse, you give love to get love, and share joy to feel joy. You can only do these things when you are open and receptive to the present. Focus on the gift of your remarriage; on your small successes in bonding with step kids; on the progress step siblings are making to form your blended family with you. Let the past go.

Now is now

Think about it. Why would you want, or expect, your blended family to be a mirror of your previous family relationship? Your new step family is a blend of familiar and unfamiliar, new choices and old habits, and a colorful collage of step moms and step dads, step kids and step siblings, step grandparents, all struggling with their own wants and expectations based on their own past experiences in their outdated family unit. Make it a blended family goal to separate the past from the present.

Take a fresh look

Try to help all your kids find harmony as step siblings, and encourage new thinking, creative problem solving, cooperative negotiations, and unconditional acceptance. As step moms and step dad, help them to learn that tolerance is an important life skill. Step parents can practice looking at each other as totally new and different spouses, too!

Carpe diem

Appreciate the people in your blended family as if today might be your last chance to learn or love anything new about them. Every day, thank your spouse for joining you in this blended family you are building together.  When you practice letting go of past experiences and expectations, your blended family can create its own present. For more information on how to live up blended family expectations, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

Financial goals without a blended family plan is just a wish

Financial discussions should come into play early on as you are planning your blended family. If you and your spouse have put off this discussion, now is a good time to have it. Unless you have a financial plan you can both agree on, your step kids and your entire step family could become a casualty of poor money management. For more detailed suggestions on talking about blended family money matters, see Chapter Four, “Financial Discussions,” in Blended Family Advice, but here are a few talking points.

financial planning should be considered in a blended family

Joint or separate accounts

Some considerations for maintaining separate accounts include separate incomes from working outside the home, and single-party expenditures or receipts such as child support, insurances and health care costs, tuitions, etc. The specifics of how you handle the blended family finances are not as important as being open and above board, and fair to everyone. One party does not want to feel as if his or her money is being squandered on step kids or an ex-spouse. As with every aspect of blended family living, communication is crucial.

Creating a budget

Making an effective financial plan for your step family begins with a written and complete budget that includes virtually all financial receipts, payments, and debts. Again, see Blended Family Advice on financial discussions for help in designing your budget, or go online to see many excellent examples of family budgets.

Make a formal financial planning agreement

Many financial planning has begun utilizing the “Blended Family Financial Planner,” part of the blended family bonus material in Blended Family Advice. It begins with a Blended Couple Financial Pledge, which sets out the basis for a successful blended family financial plan.

·         Together, we will figure out a way to meet all of our financial needs

·         Together we will provide for our blended family

·         We will honestly discuss our goals and dreams

·         If something isn’t working, we will come together and re-discuss our plan

When the two of you work together to make a serious financial plan for the benefit of your blended family, you help take your goal of a successful and solvent blended family from wish to reality.  For more information on how to successfully plan the financial aspects of a blended family, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.