As a divorced mother who has remarried, you may find yourself being overwhelmed with a lot of changes in your life having to deal with a blended family. Remarriage is inevitable after a divorce and this will put you in a situation where drastic adjustments have to be made not only by you but by your kids. This goes the same for your new partner and step kids. By adhering to time-tested and proven rules for a successful blended family living, you will be on the road to achieving the kind of stepfamily life you want, where there is a complete adjustment for everyone involved, mutual understanding and respect, and happiness that is bound to last.
1. Work as a team on the visitation schedule: Proper planning is key when it comes to visitation schedules. You also need to be flexible for changes and emergencies.
2. Avoid sabotage: Being a parent of a blended family involves great responsibility. This means doing what is best for the children, rather than trying to exact a measure of a revenge for something that happened years ago before your divorce.
3. Avoid negative comments: In a blended family, everyone has the responsibility to adapt accordingly and try to get along well with one another. Part of this responsibility is to avoid speaking negatively of anybody involved in the new family. This includes your children’s new step mom, who is responsible for the care of your children when they are at dad’s house.
4. Choose a new partner for the right reasons: Your list for a new husband needs to be a little more specific now- because you aren’t just looking for a mate, but also someone to co-parent your kids. You need someone who is willing to begin, on day one, as part of a blended family and be willing to get to know and love your children as if they were his own.
5. Don’t be needy: By needy means financially needy. Be considerate of your ex-husband’s legal financial obligations and do not oblige him for more.
It is important to focus on moving forward positively, and beginning life again with your new family. To have a stepfamily is to have another chance at married life with new challenges, which can give you an opportunity to be a more complete person as a wife to your new partner and a mother to your step kids. You and your spouse can provide a stable, loving home, and one that can help your kids adjust and move forward from the divorce and face other life changes more easily with your guidance and direction.
I have an issue with the notion that step mom "is responsible for the care of your children when they are at dad’s house."
ReplyDeleteWhen the children are at Dad's house, Dad should be responsible for the care of the children. He should not be pawning that off on his wife, just because she is a woman and "motherly." The step mom should have no more of a role in parenting than the step dad is expected to have. I don't send my children to Dad's house to be parented by their "new mom." I send them to Dad's house to be parented by and spend time with their dad. Otherwise, what is the point? I think this is why women have a harder time with the step mom than men have with the step dad.