Successful co-parenting possible when children are focus!

Co-parenting sometimes comes with a lot of emotional baggage and hurt feelings. Trying to figure out a new relationship with your ex-spouse can be a rollercoaster ride, especially when parents forget to put the children’s needs ahead of their own emotions. Keeping the focus on the children, while maintaining an appropriate and respectful relationship with your ex-spouse will help resolve visitation issues and keep the divorce as positive as possible. Co-parenting is necessary and can be done in a positive, sane manner when the children’s comfort is the first consideration.

Keep it sane and fair!

Co-parenting does not have to be a stressful undertaking, but sometimes ex-spouses will communicate with emotions instead of words, using any opportunity to bash one another for the failure of the marriage. After divorce, it is time to put the focus on children, and communicate only when necessary about the children. Any other communication is unnecessary and could be confusing not only to the children, but to adults, too. There is nothing more annoying than having an ex-spouse scream at you for missing a child’s softball game or band concert, but responding by yelling back will get you nowhere. Remember that your ex-spouse may be expressing feelings about you not attending the event, and that is okay, but the yelling and screaming is definitely not. Step back from the knee-jerk reaction to yell back and take a deep breath. Also, remember to stay on track with visitation, and do not cheat your ex-spouse out of their days.

Making good on your promised schedule will also keep things stable for the kids, and after a divorce this should be your primary concern. Sharing holidays with your ex-spouse is fair to the children who want to spend time with both parents during these special times. Calendars are a great way to let children know the visitation schedule in advance, and keeps them updated on any changes. Stay positive about switching days so they enjoy the time they have with you! Co-parenting without stress is possible when schedules are fair and adhered to, and emotions take a back seat.

Flexibility essential in successful co-parenting!

Co-parenting requires flexibility. Arranging two different schedules can be difficult, and adding children to the mix sometimes makes it even more complicated. When ex-spouses remember that schedule conflicts inevitably arise and are willing to cooperate, co-parenting becomes much more manageable. If schedule conflicts pop up more often than necessary, though, it is a good idea to tell the ex-spouse that you need a 30-day notice for conflicts, and then stick to your word. Co-parenting without flexibility only makes communication more stressful for everyone, and sends the wrong signal to your children.

Co-parenting is not easy, but it does not have to be a recipe for disaster, either. Two different schedules can be managed if ex-spouses keep their focus on children and avoid discussions that have nothing to do with the kids. Visitation should always be fair, and successful co-parenting considers the needs of all parties involved. That means fair to the children, as well. Calendars are a great tool to keep children updated on visitation schedules and changes. Flexibility is necessary when managing so many different schedules, because it will help keep interactions sane and amiable. Co-parenting is necessary when divorce occurs and children are involved, but it doesn’t have to be filled with negativity or stress if you keep the focus on the children.

The Blended and Step Family Resource Center offers coaching services to blended and stepfamilies, and those engaged to be married and become blended families. Other resources designed to promote strong and successful blended and stepfamilies are also available. Contact us today and let us help to provide you with answers.

Simple rules for divorced moms help ease anxiety of divorce

Divorced moms often find themselves navigating difficult waters following divorce. When children are involved, the waters become even murkier, especially when communicating with an ex-spouse is stressful, or when there is a new partner involved. Divorced moms can make the transition easier on themselves and their children by following simple rules when communicating with an ex-husband.

Divorced moms should communicate with ex-spouse briefly and specifically 

Divorced mothers need to communicate with an ex-husband, but how much is too much, and what is it okay to discuss? These are difficult questions, especially if there is a remarriage or hurt feelings. An ex-husband is the father of your children, and after a divorce that is the extent of the relationship. House repair questions or even calling to chat about your day is no longer okay. Divorced moms should make it a rule to communicate only about the kids. One phone call a day to an ex-husband is considered excessive. Unless there is an emergency, divorced moms can make communication with an ex-spouse even easier by e-mailing or texting.

Divorced moms can set tone for positive relationship when co-parenting

Divorced moms who are co-parenting children with an ex-spouse can follow some simple rules to make the experience less stressful for everyone involved. Never speak negatively about an ex-husband is an important rule for moms to remember. Negative talk is confusing for children, and traps them in the middle of marital issues. Sending messages between children and an ex-husband is never okay. Going through divorce and living with visitation between two houses is a huge change for children. Mom and Dad should not involve kids in adult arguments and discussions. Children are suspicious of any questioning from parents about an ex-spouse, and though it is okay to ask if they had a good time, the question should be brief, met with a smile, and then mom should move on to another topic. Divorced moms need to remember that their children want to know it is okay to have fun with Dad, too.

New partners mean more people to love

Divorced moms, at some point, may have to deal with the reality of an ex-husband’s new partner. Children of divorce do not want to feel as if they have to choose sides, and Mom can ease that transition by remembering that an ex-spouse’s new partner will also be caring for her children when they are at Dad’s house. Speaking negatively about step-mom will only confuse children and interfere with building healthy relationships. Most importantly, divorced mothers should be open to finding a new partner for themselves who meets not only their needs, but is also willing to get to know, love and care for step kids. 

Follow new schedules and honor special events

Divorced moms often contend with new schedules, especially around the holidays. Mothers who sabotage family get-togethers by bringing children well fed to Thanksgiving dinner or arriving late at Dad’s house for an important, scheduled event, are not hurting the ex-spouse or step-mom, but are hurting the children. A well-planned visitation schedule that respects both parents is the best course of action for avoiding conflict. Divorced moms should call ex-husbands right away when an emergency arises that interferes with visitation plans.

   

Divorced moms can help ease the pain and confusion of divorce by following simple rules with an ex-spouse. Communication with ex-husbands should be brief and specific. Negative talk about Dad is confusing to children, and divorced mothers should never ask children to relay messages to an ex-spouse, or grill their children about activities during visitation. New partners mean more people to love, and negative talk about step-moms only harms relationships. Moms should seek partners who are willing and able to love and accept step kids. Sticking to an agreed upon visitation schedule will help Mom and Dad avoid conflict. Divorced Moms who focus on their children will find these rules easy to follow, and ease the stress of divorce.

If you need help with your blended or stepfamily, The Blended and Step Family Resource Center is ready to assist you with its counseling and coaching services, as well as other resources aimed at promoting strong and successful blended and stepfamilies. Get in touch with a licensed professional counselor today and let us help to provide you with answers and hope.